Pandemonium | Hyunjin

Love bites

Carmen was a ghost haunting her own house. After visiting the circus last night, coming home was a blur. The drive was slowed by an incoming snowstorm and no matter how fast her windshield wipers moved, the snow wouldn't stop coming. By the time she pulled into the empty driveway, she wanted to crawl into bed. 

She couldn't remember the walk into the darkened house. She had no memory of locking the front door or going up the stairs, but she made it into her bedroom. When she woke up, fragments of light were peeking through her poorly drawn curtains. Another day had started and it was another day without Lily. 

Beneath the blankets, she was warm. The feathered pillows comforted her head. Hyunjin was right about one thing last night, she didn't need to be alone. She couldn't stand the silence anymore. Instead, she jerked herself onto her stomach and blearily pawed for her phone. 

She didn't know how long she slept, but it didn't matter. That same dull and almost lifeless feeling still clung to her bones. She felt hollow more than she felt anything else. 

The phone screen's brightness was too bright. Sleep-crusted eyes made things blur together. She tapped at the screen until she found the call button. Even without looking at the time, she knew her friend would answer the phone. No matter what, she always answered her phone. 

"Carmen!" 

She could easily imagine the smile on her friend's face. The oversized smile revealed pearly white teeth and a missing tooth on the left side of her mouth. It was a miracle that a softball to her face only broke one tooth. 

"Hi, Aspen." 

"Did you just wake up?" 

"Yeah. I'm sorry for bothering you. I just..." Carmen trailed off and shut her eyes. "I just needed someone to talk to. Nobody is home and my house is so silent, it's driving me crazy." 

The tone in Aspen's voice took a serious turn. "Any luck yet?" On the other side of the phone, Aspen held her breath. She had only met Lily a handful of times. Most of them occurred on the girls' college campus. Sometimes, Carmen's family would come pick her up from her dorm. 

"I wish I could say yes, but the truth is no. I haven't had luck and neither have the cops. I don't know how much longer I can stay here. This house is so quiet and my parents are so sad. The entire thing is making everyone miserable. I just wish we could find her." 

"I understand. Have you considered coming back to campus yet? We all really miss you here." 

"I don't know if I can focus on classes about teaching kids when my own younger sibling is missing." 

"Have you had any luck anywhere else? I'm sure you've had one positive interaction, right? How about we focus on that?" 

"I almost kissed a clown last night." 

There was a pause on Aspen's end. She pulled the phone away from her ear and stared down at it. With a few clicks, she placed the phone on speaker phone and laid it on her desk. "I'm sorry, you what?" 

"I told you that I got invited to the circus the other day. The guy who invited me, he works there. He's technically an acrobat, but before that, he was dressed up as a clown. I wish I had a photo to send you. He's really cute and super thoughtful." 

For once, it was nice to engage in something so simple. Boy talk was easy and it was familiar. Usually, Aspen was the one gushing about a guy, but here Carmen was. She was used to letting Aspen do all the talking, but the squeal on Aspen's end spoke of something different. Aspen was about to burst like an overfilled water balloon. 

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Tell me everything! What happened? Did the two of you clown around? Did you do it in the circus tent? What happened? Don't leave anything out!" 

A smile appeared on Carmen's face and she pushed herself up. She tugged off the blankets and began to trek downstairs. "Okay, I guess I can start from the beginning. I ran into him near the entrance and the two of us began to talk." 

The more she explained, the lighter she felt. Hyunjin made her heart turn into a sticky goo. They hadn't known each other for long, but she felt like she had known him forever. He was easy to talk to and made her feel seen. 

Clatters filled the air as she moved about the kitchen. She placed her own phone on speakerphone after a while. She went through the fluid movements of whisking up pancake batter and adding it to a preheated pan. Entangled laughter cut through the haunted silence. 

"I left shortly after he gave me soup. One of his co-workers wanted to talk to him and I was starting to get pretty tired. It started to snow really badly as I came home. I haven't looked outside yet, so I don't know how much snow we're dealing with." 

"I wish you would have stayed with him. Maybe the two of you could have been snowed in together. It would have been adorable." 

The conversation came to a screeching halt when something brushed against the front door. Carmen's head perked up and her eyes instinctively went to the entrance of the kitchen. She stood posed until the door's lock clicked open and the door creaked. 

"Aspen, I hate to cut this short, but I've gotta go." 

"Okay, enjoy your pancakes!" 

Just as Carmen ended the call, her father stepped into the kitchen. The moment their eyes met, his bottom lip quivered. Her face instantly fell at the sight. "Dad, what's wrong?" When he didn't respond right away, her panic only grew. 

She stepped forward and only then, for the first time in her life, did her father burst into sobs.