Pandemonium | Hyunjin

Deep end

The oversized tent looked abandoned on the outside. The usual opened flaps were tied shut. A line for people was marked off, but the barricade posts were empty. Hyunjin's hand didn't leave Carmen's and he kept a firm grip. 

The pair wandered through stragglers; a kid covered in sticky caramel, a couple that couldn't keep their hands away from one another, and a parent chasing after a quick toddler. It was natural, their steps matched pace and he led her through the crowd easily enough. 

Their feet swept through dead grass and he moved his arm forward, so he could move ahead in front of her. Avoiding a sudden narrow path of people, she stepped in front and led him along the side of the tent. Not once did he consider letting go and losing her in the current of people. 

When they lost the crowd, he stepped beside her again and continued to lead her to the back of the tent. "There's a secluded entrance back here that's somewhat hidden. You'd be surprised at how some kids try to peek at the magic before the circus begins." 

"I can believe it. Sometimes they're excited and they can't help it. They're kids, that's just how they are." 

He glanced over at her with a half-smile. "Giving them pity, are we?" 

She shrugged, "you know I'm right." 

"Unfortunately, you are. The brats get away with it too because their parents think it's adorable." He sighed, dropped her hand, and grabbed a side of the tent. "Have you ever been to the Pandemonium Circus?"

An eyelash sat below her left eye. Hyunjin's gaze went to it immediately. She blinked, entirely unaware of the potential danger, and shook her head. "No, I haven't. Honestly, I didn't know such a thing existed. No offense, but I've never heard of it before. You must be new or something." 

She was caught off-guard by his chuckle. "Silly girl, we've been around for decades. Your head is in the clouds and yet so far away from reality, hmm?" Cautiously, he reached up and brushed his thumb beneath her eye. 

The tip of his thumb caught her lower eyelid and her breath hitched. Blush filled the apples of her cheeks. Amusement flickered in his eyes and he shook his hand while pulling it away. "Sorry about that, you had an eyelash. It'd be a shame if you poked your eye out." 

"Thank you." The words weren't much louder than a soft whisper. A cloak of embarrassment engulfed her and she couldn't find the proper words to say. 

An invisible pull lulled her towards him. Some unknown magnetism that was far beyond her realm of understanding. He was practically a stranger, a stranger in clown makeup, but yet she found herself attached to him. She pined after him like a lost puppy chasing the familiar warmth of their owner. 

"Prepare yourself," he finally spoke. "Some of my co-workers are nothing more than dickheads. Don't take what they say too seriously. They're not all here, but some of them are. The one has an ego large than his dick, so try not to stroke it, will you?" 

The slur of lewd words wasn't something she was prepared for. The gulp from her throat was obvious, but Hyunjin pretended to be oblivious. The way she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, the uncertainty beneath hazel specks, the caution thrown around in curious glances; it was like a drug. 

It was captivating, it was amusing, and it was addicting. There's something powerful in the way some can fluster others. The way they can manipulate one's feelings just by a single touch. Leaning forward, softening their voice, raking their eyes up and down someone. Flirting isn't much different than any other circus act. 

Love can be a lethal weapon when you want it to be. All it takes is the right look, the right person, and the right personality. Vanity wasn't much of a sin in Hyunjin's eyes. There's nothing wrong with appreciating the way one looks when the world moves in favor of beauty. 

Beauty standards change, society keeps chasing the hottest trends and the newest body shapes. Hyunjin didn't give a shit about any of it. Social media stayed silent and the television stayed off. It's easier to have confidence when you don't let the world inside your head. 

He bent down, grabbed the bottom of the dusty flap, and shoved it above his head. He shifted his head to gesture her inside. "Go ahead, ladies first." 

She forced one foot in front of the other and disappeared beneath the tent. Hyunjin glanced over his shoulder, making sure nobody else would follow, and then headed in after her. Inside the tent, wooden bleachers were already set up around the bright red circus ring.

In a crescent shape, they were waiting to be filled by rows of people waiting to be entertained. The tent was so large, they could easily pack the place with a couple hundred people. Spotlights were set up in the middle of the ring. 

Up above, strips met at a point in the middle of the top. Colorful small banners sat on strings and lined the ceiling. Some sort of white platform had been placed inside the ring and lined the dead grass for performers to perform on. A trapeze hooked from one side to the other. A thin net sat beneath it waiting to catch whoever fell first. 

A colorful clash of colors that only a child could come up with. Darks and lights collided into a wonder and whimsical filled playground. All Carmen could do was soak it in with awe. 

She wasn't part of it, but she could still feel the buzz of excitement. It radiated throughout the enclosed space and vibrated in her marrow. This was an echo-chamber of joy and happiness. 

How many kids would be full of oohs and aahs? How many parents would reminisce about going to the circus when they were younger? The past would collide with the present and create an unforgettable feeling. 

"So what do you think?" That cheshire grin was back on Hyunjin's face. He wasn't aware if she knew that her jaw was hanging open, but it was adorable nonetheless. 

"I can't believe you do this for a living. I haven't even seen anyone yet, but wow. This feels..." 

"Like magic?" 

"Something like that." 

Admiration fluttered through the fog of longing for Lily. For once, she wasn't worried about her sister. Not how she was or what she was doing. Her safety didn't concern her. In its place, a sense of contentment and curiosity. 

At this moment, Carmen was just Carmen and Hyunjin couldn't wait to show her the secrets of the circus; the pandemonium behind it all.