Secret In Our Hearts We Held

Chapter 13

(Pavitra)

I didn't go to the party, instead I went to my classroom. It was dark and the sound of party music was the only sound I could hear from the windows, moonlight entered through glass windows. And my self cursing thoughts. I sat on the bench next to the door. Not crying, not feeling anything but wrong. I kicked my heels down, removed the bracelet I had worn, throwing it outside the door.

My eyes were tearing up, and a runny nose wasn't helping. I sniffed every now and then, pushing back the tears forming in my eyes, couldn't afford to cry and shed tears on such a silly thought.

"Who is there?" I shot a look up, my back towards the door. Scared that someone had found me, here, in this place, physically and emotionally unstable. It was embarrassing for me to be found like this. "Pavitra?" Shit, they know me. The person on the door was heading towards me. I looked at the reflection on the windows, and a face formed out of shadows under the light from the moon. A gasp escaped my lips, it was Jai. Had he followed me here? Did he know I was there? Did he think I had heard all of it? I couldn't bear the remembrance of those words, as if looking into the reflection of yours in the mirror.

Oh god why is he here?

"What are you doing here?" He asked me, kneeling down in front of me. I didn't turn, "Show me your face." He ordered He was serious and anxious.

I turned towards him. The pool of tears was still there, and I was pushing hard, sitting on the bench.

"God, Pavitra. What happened?" His head tilted to look at me. I wasn't going to look up. Not after the conversations I heard and even since last night. I will not. I should not look at him, in any manner as possible.

"Hey...." He closed the distance between us. "You can tell, ok?" His voice was sweet, I closed my eyes tight, why is he so gentle.

"Did anyone say something? Tell me." He pursued.

No, I don't want to tell you how ashamed I am of myself and How great you still are. And that is so... tempting. And now I feel more annoyed with myself.

Instead, I shook my head. I was surprised at myself acting like a child, shaking my head like that. I heard him sigh. He took my hands in his, placing the bracelet on them... I had thrown it away in anger, haps this shiny object perhaps had caught his eye when passing by. "I found this, and I believe this is yours." He said. I hesitated. He lifted my face with his finger and thumb gently touched under my chin. "You can tell me anything." Hesitant and afraid of what might happen next, I looked up, his concerned whiskey eyes were the first thing I saw... But couldn't utter a word, those eyes were maddening my insides, like why does this have to be so tough- what did I do to find myself here. I was just sitting there dumbfounded.

My heaving chest was the evidence of the turmoil inside me.

"I feel stupid I spoke, finally.

"Why? He caressed my hands

A laugh from my lips was not surprising, but how could I have told him- "It is really stupid." I sniffed, of course I'd not tell him. "You'd laugh.

"Ok. Then we'll laugh together. I guess, "he said. I look down at our hands

"1... am frustrated." I spoke, he was confused. "Sexually...?" I added. He loosened on me. "Emotionally? I don't know. There's a great deal of commotion of emotion going on in my head- with Prom, college, new... arrivals in life, the future.

"You can tell me anything. I promise not to judge, in fact-"

"But, the thing was, I don't have any date for today... So, it was just me living my boring life for a moment. In Despair." Maybe he was examining my words but I wasn't going to meet his eyes, not after I lied

"Pavitra. look at me." I squinted my eyes, "Please."

"From- from the time I have spent around you- last 3 days, you were anything but boring... at least not for me." I watched him, in the moonlight, my bracelet was in his hands. "Give me your hand."

I brought my hand before him. He pulled it towards him, covering my wrists under the bracelet that now shined under the light of the full moon. I looked down at it, he removed his hands from me as the bracelet now hugs my wrist, and turned to the window.

"Now look up." He pointed at the window. "If that-" He was referring to the moon, "-huge rock doesn't need any partner to shine like that and have thousands of songs written in its beauty. Then I think you can do 100 times better... I mean it's a rock and you escaped my lips you are actually beautiful." I smiled, a laugh

"Cheesy much? He said. I nodded my head, turned to see him pouting. "All I meant was these boys... Boys... They may not even deserve you. They didn't see your... grace in the first place" He added, I looked him in the eyes, then at the bracelet. "Thank you..." I smiled, getting up.

"Hey." It was soft to my eyes, He was standing close to me. I tilted my head to look up. "Don't you ever underestimate your worth." My eyes shifted from one orb to another, the honeyed whisky-ness has disappeared. As if the dark had consumed all amber, my chest rose out of wailing in my heart, what was going on? I couldn't understand. As if he was there, but it wasn't himself, my heart stopped as his hand reached to my face, warmth spread in my heart, face and somewhere lower. My eyes closed the instant it landed on my head, giving a little pat.

"Pavitra." I opened my eyes in an instant, his hand still on the side of my head, fingers digging in reaching on to the loose strands.. "You have a whole bright future ahead of you." I felt my heart skip another beat, his voice was harmonious, harsh but soft on corners. A loose strand twisted in his fingers, he directed it to my face. He released it, "And, it starts today. With the Prom you organized." my nod was involuntary, just my conscious reaction to his words, "Good girl." Jai pushed his hands in his pockets, leaving me in contempt of what actually mattered.

The prom. My career. My statement to everyone that is doubting a woman that she can't handle a business. I saw Jai smile, he might have detected a fire in my eyes, "Let's show them what you are capable of."