Silent Notes

Chapter Eight: Holding On

The room buzzed with life, laughter bouncing off the walls. Nastasia and her friends—Elina, Sofia, Amelia, and Mia—sat huddled together wrapped in a cozy blanket. The familiar hum of a Disney princess movie playing on the TV. Giggles erupted every few minutes, as they teased each other about which princess they most resembled. They were surrounded by warmth and good vibes, sharing stories, between sips of hot chocolate, completely at ease. The air buzzed with lightheartedness, there was no weight of unspoken words or complicated feelings—just the simplicity of their bond and the joy of being together. They were carefree, giggling at the silliness on screen, sharing their favourite childhood moments. It felt like they were momentarily frozen in time like the stress of growing up and facing the unknown future hadn't touched them yet. Tonight, it felt like the world had stopped spinning, and they were simply enjoying being together, as though nothing could ever come between them.

But amidst the laughter, a memory from last year flickered through her mind, making her smile. Reminding her of the silly name "Snow White." At the time, she had brushed it off with a laugh, but she couldn't forget Asher's reaction. His voice had been sharp, almost irritated, as he muttered something about the boys being stupid for naming her that. It had been such a small moment, yet it had stayed with her, gnawing at her thoughts. Why had he reacted that way? Was it jealousy? Annoyance? Or had she imagined it entirely? She clung to the memory, trying to convince herself that maybe, just maybe, there was something there after all. Maybe she wasn't being completely delusional.

But now, with the passing of time and the drift of their lives, everything felt different. They had all gone to different universities, living different lives, and slowly, those connections began to fade. Nastasia often felt dumb for still holding onto these old memories while everyone else seemed to be moving on effortlessly. Yet, she couldn't help it. The past held her in its grip, leaving her to wonder why she still felt so strongly.

Why was it so hard to express emotions? Was it just teenagers who struggled, or did adults face the same challenge? Were they better at hiding it than she was? These feelings seemed to lodge themselves deep inside, twisting like knots in the chest. It felt impossible to get them out, and when they finally did surface, they only brought more confusion. Why did it hurt so much to feel? To care so deeply? The weight of it all left her questioning if it was even worth it to bare her soul when the result was often pain or rejection.

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"Feelings unsaid, they weigh like stone,

A quiet ache, when you're all alone.

Love, sadness, they twist inside,

A whisper of what we never confide.

Yet still, we hold them, close and tight,

Hoping they'll bring us into the light."

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