Silent Notes

Chapter Ten: Hidden Longings

Asher wasn't the type to lose control—not easily. He always kept his emotions in check, remaining calm when everything else spun around him. But when it came to Nastasia, control was a distant memory. How could she have ignored him so effortlessly? Each moment she avoided his gaze felt like a dagger to his chest. He had spent countless nights replaying that day, wondering if he had done something to deserve her silence.

He thought about her far too often—more than he cared to admit. Every small interaction played in his mind like a slow burn, lingering long after the moment passed. Even when she wasn't around, she was everywhere: in his thoughts, in the spaces between words, in the quiet moments when he should have been focused on something else.

That afternoon, when they had stopped by her house, was no different. The memory clung to him, sharper than it had any right to be. He had leaned against the door, trying to look relaxed, as though the weight of seeing her didn't press against his chest. She had smiled at his family, but when it came to him...nothing. Not even a glance. Her avoidance lingered like a shadow, taunting him. Did she even realize how much her silence had hurt him? 

He told himself it didn't matter, that he didn't care. But the truth? The truth was that it mattered more than anything. Every time she avoided his gaze, it felt like a punch to the gut. And yet, there he was, helplessly caught in her presence. The moments when they were together, even if she barely acknowledged him, were the moments he lived for. Pathetic? Maybe. But he couldn't help it. She had a way of lighting up a room without trying. What was it about her that captivated him so completely? Something deeper pulled him toward her in ways he couldn't explain, everything about her drew him in like a moth to a flame.

Then there was that time she asked for the study group link. She didn't know it, but he had already seen her join the group. Her number had popped up as a notification. He could've told her, could've saved them both the trouble. But instead, he sent her the link anyway. It was an excuse, a reason to keep her coming to him.

The ridiculous part? He wasn't even sure why he did it. Nastasia? She wasn't just anyone. It was like she had unknowingly taken hold of him, wrapping herself around his mind, and now he couldn't let go. He felt her absence like a physical ache when they were apart. She had no idea what she was doing to him.

Asher leaned back in his chair, the familiar hum of conversation filling the room around him. But his mind was elsewhere. Frustrated, he ran a hand through his hair. She probably thought he didn't care. But how could he explain the truth? That he could handle a lot of things, but letting her see how deeply she affected him? No. He couldn't risk it. If she didn't feel the same, if she looked at him with pity, it would destroy him.

The worst part was that she probably didn't even realize it. She didn't see the way he watched her, how he noticed the slight crinkle of her nose when she smiled, or even the way she seemed to float rather than walk.