Not Waving, But Drowning || Lee Know Centric

f i v e

I looked at myself through the mirror again, only to see a pig.

A fat one.

Big thighs.

Big arms.

Fat cheeks.

Bloated stomach.

My shirt trying not to burst.

My jeans zipper already opened.

Why do I suddenly feel so nauseous?

Stage four: fixing what you've done.
You have to fix what you've done, and even if that means hurting yourself in the process. You deserve it anyway, don't you? There are various ways to lose that weight, like working out, taking a pill, going for a run...

But in Minho's mind, there was only one
option available.

I looked at the toilet stall behind me through the mirror, and started to fight my own thoughts.

Isn't this dangerous?

Yes, but you deserve it.

I've never tried this before...

There's a first for everything, right?

Is this really the only way?

Yes, unless you want to die-

NO!

I'm not fucking suicidal.

I don't want to die.

I don't.

I really don't.

I guess that leaves one option.

I walked in the stall, and locked it behind me. I sat on my knees in front of the dirty toilet, my presence near it making it even dirtier. I opened my mouth, and put my finger in.

I mean, that's how I think you have to do it? I'm not sure, I've only seen this in movies.

"Shit." I almost gaged, but immediately pulled my finger out as a reflex. I guess that's how you do it after all. I put my finger in again, and tried hitting the back of my mouth as far as I could, but the same reflex happened again.

Don't give up now, you didn't give up while eating all that food, now did you?

I put my finger in again, and this time, I threw up. It was quite disgusting, all the liquid got on my finger since I didn't have time to pull away, but I felt happy.

I was finally doing something right.

I did it again, and again, and again,
and again until I started throwing up acid. I got up from the floor, and immediately held on the nearest thing. Damn, that's one heck of a headache. I got out the bathroom, and stared at myself through the mirror.

Good job, Minho.

Now, don't ever repeat this cycle again,
because of how dangerous it might get.

Unless you binge again,

then I'll give you permission to do it as much as you want,

as long as you lose all that weight.

I quickly cleaned myself, and made sure they won't be able to detect anything that happened during my time in here.

Now that I mention it,

How long have I been in here?

I walked back to the table, and saw my leaders worried glare. "You okay? You took quite a while in there..."

"He was probably having explosive
diarrhoea." Changbin joked, making the tense situation more lively. I laughed at his joke before sitting down. I felt someone staring, practically burning holes into my body, but was too scared to look up and see who it was.

"So, do you guys want dessert?"

Please stop.

Please.

I can't.

Not anymore...

"I think everyone is pretty full, let's go home and rest for now."

Thank god.

I don't know who said that, but they saved my life.

I just want to rest...