Bruised Mind

Memoir 4

Forgiveness

"You know, there's this one trend on TikTok I've been seeing these past few days, and I really want to know what you think about it," she said.

Tinignan ko sya ng nagtataka. "About what?" I asked.

"It's the one that says you have to forgive your parents because this is the first time they are living too," she explained.

"Oh!" Sabi ko habang nakataas ang kamay at hintuturo. "That one."

"Have you seen it?" she asked.

I nodded my head. Of course I'd seen it. Those types of videos had crossed my For You page multiple times already.

She nodded her head. "So, what do you think about it?"

I clasped my hands together and began playing with my fingers.

"I don't really believe in the notion that you have to forgive your parents just because they are just living their first lives," I said.

"Oh?" she said, looking interested.

I smiled gently. "You see, I'm living my first life too. So that's not a good excuse for their actions," I said softly, my gaze fixed on her eyes. "Their actions hurt me, and there's nothing they can do to change that."

I shook my head. That's right. There's nothing they can do to undo the pain, and saying that it's their first time living just sounds like a lame excuse.

It doesn't excuse the pain I'm feeling. I don't deserve this pain, so I won't forgive them because they are the source of it.

"They can never turn back the time. The deed's already been done," I added, my voice steady.

"For me, you don't really have to forgive your parents. So what if it's their first life? It's also my first. They are hurt by their childhood? I'm hurt too."

She remained quiet, so I decided to continue, feeling the need to express my truth.

"Kahit na anong sakit ang naranasan nila, they should have done everything in their power not to let their child experience the same pain!" My voice rose slightly, fueled by emotion.

"It's not my fault that I'm alive. Their choices in life shaped my reality. So, you don't have to forgive them. There's nothing wrong with that. I don't owe them anything." I took a sharp breath to calm myself.

"I always believe that if you're not emotionally, mentally, and especially financially ready to have kids, then don't have one. You'll just end up traumatizing an innocent child if you decide to bring one into the world when you're not truly prepared."