Bruised Mind

Memoir 2

The Answer

Kinuha ko ang tissue na malapit sa akin at ginamit 'yon para punasan ang luhang walang tigil sa pagpatak.

"Wow. That was quite an emotional start," she said, laughing awkwardly.

I smiled sheepishly. Yeah, that was a heavy start when we should have begun with something lighter. But this is me we're talking about. Anything we discuss tends to turn into something heavy.

She cleared her throat, which caught my attention.

I looked at her as she asked, "Do you like someone?"

Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa naging tanong nya.

What?

Napamaang ang bibig ko kaya naman natawa sya ng bahagya.

"Come on. Just humor me," she said with a smile on her lips.

I signed. I guess this is her attempt to lighten the mood.

"I don't." I replied almost immediately.

I don't have anyone I like romantically. I don't have the time to like someone when I'm I can't even take care of myself.

Nanlaki ang mga mata nya. "I know you're thinking about this romantically, but it can also be about friends or family," she added, clearly not liking my quick answer.

"You should've been more clear about your question. I thought you were asking if I liked someone romantically," I replied, meeting her gaze.

She gave me an apologetic smile.

I stared at her as I thought of an answer.

Do I like someone? I...

"I... don't know." Marahan kong sabi na nakapagpatigil sa kanya.

That's true. It's a question that I find hard to answer.

If you ask me if I like someone, I'll have a hard time answering it.

But if you ask me if I like myself, I can answer that confidently. Even before you asked me that question, I already had an answer for that.

I hate myself.

That's right. I hate myself more than anything.

"You... don't know?" Nag-aalangan nyang tanong kaya naman binigyan ko sya ng isang ngiti.

"Yes," I said.