(REWRITING IN PROCESS)
Reiner grips my hands a little tighter. "I...I like you. A lot," he stammers. "You're on my mind all the time." He looks down at his lap, shaking his head before looking up at me again. "I know it sounds crazy, but... I think...
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Present: Age 22
My feet suddenly feel heavy. It's like roots have clawed their way to the surface, wrapping around my feet to pull them below the surface. I can't move, I can't breathe, I can't think.
It doesn't feel real but I can see him so clearly now. The way his biceps push against his shirt, wanting to break free. And his lips, the lips that tell lies. They move but I can't hear a single thing except the blood rushing to my ears.
"Reiner, wait!" Connie yells as Reiner continues barreling towards us.
My body is rigid and I feel so numb I barely have time to process Reiner's outstretched arms as he gets closer and closer.
My heart feels like it's been kickstarted when a hand from behind me firmly grips my shoulder and pulls me back, it's Armin.
"Blair." Reiner breaths out as he finally reaches us. "I—"
My voice lacks power as I struggle to find the words to say, still in a state of shock. "I can't...I can't believe this is happening."
Reiner opens his mouth to speak, but I don't give him the chance.
"I. Hate. You!" I yell, finally finding my voice again.
Reiner stands there unmoving, unsure of what to say. Tears are brimming in his eyes but I honestly don't have the space in my heart to care.
A familiar voice breaks through the tension. But it's not for the better, and of course it would be the most annoying, irritating person I know. The absolute band of my existence, Zeke.
"Yup." Zeke lets out a sigh as he pats Reiner's shoulder. "I told you she'd still be pissed." Reiner stiffens at his unexpected touch before giving him a side eye glare. His eyes are now red and his face now damp with tears.
I let out a laugh of disbelief, throwing my hands up in response. "That's just great. They are just letting anyone in."
A shorter woman with dark long hair appears silently from behind Zeke. Her voice is low, with no real emotion. Almost as if she is bored and was forced to come here.
"Wow, Reiner. You really have a way with women."
Armin eyebrows bunch together before he clears his throat awkwardly. "Let's just... get into the carriages so we can get back to the city okay?"
I don't bother responding to Armin before stomping off towards a random carriage. I'm shaking as I pull open the door, settling into a seat as Armin, Yelena, and Onyankopon climb in after me.
The carriage starts to move, journeying our way back to the city. There's only the sound of birds and the horses hooves as we move along the trail. I rest my head against the side of the carriage, looking out the window to watch as the forest passes by.
The others are engaged in some form of conversation but it all goes through one ear and out the other. I don't have the mental capacity to engage in any conversation right now. Let alone string together a complete sentence.
All of my brain power is focused on trying to stop the budding pressure behind my eyes as the tears beg to be released. I clasp my hands together, mentally begging them to stop shaking but my pleas fall on deaf ears.
~~~
When we arrive back at the headquarters I immediately take off to my room without properly excusing myself before the others can arrive. No one questions me, as I hoped.
As soon as my bedroom door clicks shut, the tears break the barrier and come flooding down my face.
I struggle to see through my blurry vision, kicking off my shoes before stumbling towards my bed. Small gasps of air escape my lips as I climb into my bed, before moving into a fetal position.
I pull a pillow to my face, to dull the sounds of my sobs as the sound becomes louder and louder. I'm constantly gasping for a breath I can't seem to catch. My sheets are already soaked with tears as I remember the day Reiner left.
Past: Age 16
We stand on top of the walls, the whole survey corps waiting for something, an order, but none of us know what's going on. I asked Sasha, but she's just as clueless as me.
I squint to see only a few feet away Mikasa, Eren, Reiner, and Bertolt standing in what looks like a deep conversation. Just before I can nudge Sasha to suggest we should go over to them, Mikasa moves with frightening speed. Her blade slicing through the air heading straight for Reiner's neck.
I let out a blood gurgling scream as I witness the sight of the blade lodging itself into Reiner's neck.
Before I can even move or process what just happened, a thunderous noise fills the air, and the sky lights up with a flash of yellow. I look up to watch Bertolt transform into the Colossal Titan right before our eyes.
"Holy shit!" Sasha yells out.
My head snaps back towards Mikasa as I hear her shout for Eren.
The world feels dizzying as I try to focus on what to do first but so much is happening at once. My heart wants me to run to Reiner first, but he doesn't even give me an option to choose as he turns into the Armored Titan.
My knees begin to buckle and I begin to lose my balance. It's as if legs can no longer support the weight of my body. "Reiner..." I choke out, as Sasha grabs my arm to steady me from falling over.
"Blair!" She yells, pulling on my arm."We have to go! It's not safe, we have to fall back!"
I hear her but my body is paralyzed. Not necessarily fear, but with shock and something more.
I feel used and betrayed. I was lied to, for all of this time for some ulterior motive. And of course I fell for it, because I'm an easy target. How stupid of me to ever think someone could truly love me.
A/N: sorry for the bad chapter. It's just an awkward one I didn't really have any inspiration for. Which is why it took me so long to edit.
