Choose Me, Love Me

Part 9

Jude's Point of View
I sat at the kitchen table, my phone pressed to my ear as I waited for Caroline to answer. The boys were playing video games in the media room, their laughter filtering in through the open door. It was a beautiful day, and everything should have felt light and easy. But my mind was weighed down, replaying the conversation I'd had with Gray yesterday.

When Caroline finally picked up, her voice was warm, but I could hear the exhaustion behind it. "Hey, Jude. What's going on?"
I took a deep breath before speaking, not entirely sure where to begin. "It's about Gray," I said softly. "He, uh, he told me some things about how he ended up in juvie."
There was a pause on the other end of the line before Caroline responded. "What did he say?"
I leaned back in my chair, staring out the window. "He said his mom asked him to hold onto the drugs when they got pulled over. She told him to take the fall for it, and... he did. He thought she'd come visit him, but she never did." My voice felt tight as I recounted Gray's words, the weight of it all settling heavily in my chest. "He wrote her letters, but nothing. He didn't think he was ever getting out of juvie until you showed up."
Caroline let out a long sigh, and I could almost hear her heart breaking through the phone. "That poor kid," she murmured. "I knew there was more to his story, but... God, that's just awful."
I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. "He's been through hell. And now, he's so scared of messing up, Caroline. I mean, he's been wetting the bed and breaking down because he's terrified we're going to send him back." I paused, my throat tightening. "I don't think he even realizes that what he went through was abuse. Not just the physical stuff... there's more to it. You can see it in how he reacts to things."

There was a long silence on the other end before Caroline spoke again, her voice thick with emotion. "I can't imagine what that's been like for him. To carry all of that, and still try to just... fit in."

"Exactly," I said quietly. "And it's not just the physical scars. There's so much more going on in his head. He doesn't trust that he's safe here, that he's not going to get punished in the way he's used to. I don't think he even understands what safety really is yet."

Caroline sniffled softly, and I knew she was struggling to keep it together. "I've been trying to track down his mom," she said, her voice faltering slightly. "I've got a lead that she might've moved out of state, but nothing concrete yet."

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to steady myself. The idea of Gray's mom being out there somewhere, living her life while he was left behind to pick up the pieces, made my stomach turn.

Caroline let out a shaky breath. "I'll keep looking, Jude. I promise. But in the meantime, we've got to help him understand that none of this was his fault." She paused for a moment, and I could hear her shuffling through some papers on her desk. "I'll find some recommendations for a therapist. He's going to need someone to help him work through this. And so are you and Peyton, honestly, he also needs to see a primary as soon as possible"
"Yeah, I will call the pediatrician after you and get him in tomorrow" I agreed, though the thought of Gray in therapy stirred up its own set of emotions. "I think therapy is a good idea. We want to help him, but I feel like I'm not equipped to do it the way he needs."

"You're doing more for him than you know," Caroline said gently. "Just by being there, by showing him that he's safe. That matters more than you realize."

I rubbed a hand over my face, the exhaustion of the last few days catching up to me. "I just want him to feel like he belongs here," I said quietly

. "But sometimes, I wonder if that's even possible. He's been so conditioned to expect the worst."

Caroline was silent for a moment, and when she spoke again, her voice was soft but firm. "It's going to take time, Jude. A lot of time. But you're doing everything right. Gray is lucky to have you and Peyton in his corner. He needs to see that not everyone is going to hurt him or abandon him."