Ablaze The Heart

Routines In the Night

[Clancy's POV]

After we finish talking out on the roof, we head into her bedroom and then go our separate ways. Ned decided to startle us both by jumping on Y/N's bed. We get that settled and then finally head back to bed. God, she's so pretty and sweet as hell. I take a deep breath and finally pull off my mask for the second time today. I hope she doesn't see the marks I made on my face. Yes, they weren't there before when I pulled off because of the rain. I got into some dark things. I hope she doesn't see. I pray she doesn't see. God, if she does...never mind, I need to stop thinking about it. I stripped off my shirt and put on the pair of shorts she offered me. I don't know why she has men's shorts in her house. Don't ask me. Her guest bedroom is actually pretty nice. Very cozy and spacious. I look myself in the mirror and the thoughts come back. Do it. Show her. Show her how messed up you are. Show those scars. Do. It. Clancy. Shut up, shut up, shut up!! I don't need her knowing how bad I am now that we're getting closer. Hell, I don't even want to let her know that these feelings are growing inside of me about her. What to be exact? I don't know. They're on the same page as what I felt with Jenna but it feels like more than that. Jenna did understand me, but not as well as Y/N. Something about her... I shake my head back into reality. Her room is right next to mine. I hear the door creak a little bit and I spin around to face her standing there. "Everything good in here for you, Clancy?" She asks, her voice soft. "Y-yeah, everything is great!" I nervously laugh as I whip back around to hide my scars. There is just silence in the air for a minute and then she speaks. "Alright, well, if you do need anything, I'm right next door." She closes the door and goes back to her room. I let out a huge exhale. She almost saw them. Why did you turn away? Are you scared? You're such a pathetic little pansy. The voices won't go away again.

-- little time skip --

I lay in the bed, staring up at the ceiling. I feel the time of passing by. I turn my head and look at the clock. The clock reads 3:10 am. It's only been 3 hours and 40 minutes since she went to bed. Technically I'm supposed to be asleep as well but I can't. I could never. I did once but it wasn't easy. The voices never rest and that's why I'm awake right now ...While all the world's asleep, I walk around instead... The sound of the clock ticking and the fan moving to push air around the room is all that is "entertaining" me. I decided to try to get up to grab some water from the kitchen but all of a sudden I couldn't move. I feel frozen. I grunt as I try to pull my body off the bed but it's going nowhere. I physically can't move. I'm trapped. What the hell is happening to me? Wait... I must be asleep. I realize I did actually fall asleep but I am trapped in my dream. God, my dream sure is boring right now. Actually, when is it not? After 30 minutes of trying to wake myself up, I give up. I couldn't do it. I hate being trapped in my own head when I'm asleep. All of a sudden, after some time, my body is on the floor. I must've fallen on the floor. Suddenly the door barges open with a loud noise. My mind goes to think that Nico found me in here. Then a hand touches my shoulder. Man, it's been a long night.