chance

chapter 11

Frantic raps on the front door draw me out of my darkened bedroom. I attempt to while the sleep from me eyes as I open the door. Billie stands stunned in the door frame but quickly pushes through before I can react. I don't want her here, I haven't showered since I last saw her and I'm still so incredibly angry at her.
"You wouldn't pick up the phone." She says softly, scanning my face with her big blue eyes.
"Shock horror that I didn't want to hear from you." I say letting the sarcasm ring through the air.
"Please just let me exp-"
"Save it." I snap, "I don't want to hear it."
"Okay well Matt wants you back in the studio at some point."
"Is that it?"
"No..." she looks at me sheepishly, trying to read my hardened features, "I missed you."
"Oh come off it! Just call up jesse if you missed me that bad!" I yell.
"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"
"You know what I mean! I was just someone for you to fuck, well sorry I was too thick to realise that!"
"Holly said that-"
"You spoke to holly? What the fuck did she tell you?" I suddenly feel very caught off guard.
"Nevermind, but can we at least talk? I mean fuck we've got tour coming up soon Bella."
I purse my lips and stay silent for a moment, as much as this hurts and I hate her right now, I have to push past it for the sake of my career. If we don't sort this, I loose everything, she looses nothing. I'm not having that.
"Fine, what do you have to say for yourself?"
"Look, I do really like you. I never expected you to see that, I'm not shocked you're this mad but we weren't dating, had you asked I would've been in a heartbeat, but we weren't. I thought you didn't want to be together like that, I don't know. I don't normally do the whole feeling and shit thing. I guess I got scared or whatever, but I don't want you to hate me, and I want to keep making music with you and stuff."
I stay silent, watching her twiddle her rings, fidgeting from stress.
"Ok", I say slowly, "okay but this," I point between us, "is done. I'm happy to keep doing music and I'll be fine for the tour. But we're done."
"I understand." She says sadly, looking down into her hands.
I move to leave, wanting this conversation to be done, but she grabs my hand, I let the bolt of electricity become dull before looking at her.
"We can still be friends right?"
"Maybe at at some point, but I need some space at the moment."
"Okay"
"Okay"

Billie had left quickly after our conversation, prompting me to put my phone on charge and go take care of myself. In the shower I took extra care over all the steps, letting the water just hit me at points whilst I processed our conversation. It's so typically me to have fallen for someone who won't ever fall for me. I feel like she would've definitely dated me, but after a while, she would've felt trapped, then resented me, all while I fall deeper in love with her. It's definitely not the first time, or probably the last. I just hope we can pack it in before tour starts, else the media will have a field day.

Getting out the shower, I finally check my phone, letting the notifications overwhelm my screen. Most importantly Matt had texted me about making use of the studio today in about an hour with finneas. So I decide to take him up on it quickly getting ready, throwing on sweats and minimal makeup. It's nice to actually look human again. I hop in my car and let my stomach drive me to my favourite burger shop, choosing a big meal and taking it to the studio, I know Matt will send me a disproving look later for it.
I start to dig in as no one's here yet, I flick through my notes for songs and start adjusting and adding lyrics here and there humming along to certain parts. I put downy my burger and switch to the fries, flicking to a black page, words are flowing out of me expressing my thoughts from the other day. I let the memory dance in front of me and the tune form on the paper. As hurt as I feel, I can sense the power of what happened at billies. As I finish my food, I look down at the once pure white page, now stained with words of pain.
My focus is broken my shuffling at the door, I turn around to see finneas walking shyly in.
"Hey" he says quietly.
"Hey" I smile warmly at him.
"So, Billie told me what happened."
"Look I don't really wanna talk about."
"Okay, well can I just say I think she really cares about you and-"
"Fin I think we should just get on with the music, I need to refine this on I was just working on."
"Just know you can talk to me, but let's just crack on for now." He smiles with an understanding look on his face.

We spend the next couple hours bouncing off of one another, letting the song develop and build on its own. I can tell he knows it's about his sister, which must hurt but he's always been good at separating art from real life. It gets to recording vocals and I can tell it's starting to bother him which it is for me too. I've been batting back tears over a couple of the lyrics as they're just a little bit to raw.
"Hey, Bella do you recon we should take a break." Fin says through the headphones.
"Yeah sounds good."
"Back in 30?"
"Okay perfect."
I leave the booth, studying him. His fist is over his mouth, making him look like he's physically biting back words.
"You okay fin?"
"Yeah yeah, it's just hard you know. I care about you a lot but having my sister crying down the phone this morning then having to make a song about her fuck up is a bit hard." His face looks red and strained.
"It's okay fin, we can take rain check for today if you want, or you can opt out if you'd like."
"No, no, it's a really beautiful song, I can feel everything in it. It's gunna be a hit, I just need a minute."
"No worries I completely respect that, I'll order you some food and give you some alone time."
"Thank you Bella, I appreciate that."
I leave the room and walk down the long hallway to the elevator. My thumb hovers over the notifications from Billie, but I instead order Thai food for fin and I. As I reach the ground floor, I notice the rain, not caring I continue to walk. The wind flicks around me making the rain feel cold and  hard, my mind stays peacefully blank. I finally make it to a cafe, sitting down in a booth. A pretty waitress hands me a menu.
"Here you are."
"Thank you, but I think I already know what I'd like." I say as I study her face, which begins to flush under my stare.
"S-sure, what can I get for you beautiful?"
Very forward, I like her.
"Can I get a black coffee and a stack of pancakes with maple syrup?"
"Of course, coming right up." She smiles, letting her eyes look into mine a moment longer than what's necessary.
Scrolling through my phone while I wait, I see another text from Billie:
can we meet up and talk again? I don't like how we've left things.
I respond with a simple: sure meet at mine at 6
The waitress comes back with a coffee and a stack of pancakes in hand.
"Let me grab you some cutlery and napkins." She smiles.
"Thanks." I say as I bring my coffee to my lips.
She returns with a set of cutlery and a couple napkins.
"Yell if you need anything."
I tuck in, enjoying the food, only noticing once I finished the scribbled numbers on my napkin in front of me. I smile and pocket it. I leave good tip, as I've started to have money coming through from the song Billie and I put out and start walking back to the studio. My hands in my pockets find the napkin, and on impulse I start to punch it in my phone and text her: that was cute.
I turn my phone off as I enter the studio again, bringing my attention back to finneas voice which is carrying out the room, I listen in.
"Look Billie, I'm sure if you just told her how you felt you could get her back...no no listen to me, she really cares about you...yeah well she's only pushing you away because you hurt her...she's not just going to bounce back from seeing you with another person like that...Billie you've just got to give her space...no...yeah well things will work out if it's meant to be...uh huh...really...you don't seriously think she's the one, come off it... mmm... okay...okay...I'll talk to you later...yeah...okay bye."
I stand shell shocked in the hallway not daring to go in. She likes me? I don't understand anything that's going on at the moment. I wait for a few minutes, holding mine and fins food, before entering.
"Hey finny" I say making him jump.
"Hey" he says glumly
"Everything okay dude?"
"Not really, just got off the phone with bil, I really hope you have a chat with her soon."
"Umm we were going to tonight, why is she okay?"
"She's super cut up about this. I've not heard her get this way about someone since q."
"Who's q?"
"That's not really for me to tell, but she really l-cared about him."
"Okay, I'll make sure we talk tonight."
"Thank you Bella, I appreciate that. Let's go through the last tweaks and then let's get this bad boy off to Matt ."

A/n hey, sorry that I've been really inactive. I've finished travelling now so should be around to finishing this soon :) big love