chance

chapter 8

A pair of sausage like fingers snap in front of my eyes.
"Are you even listening?"
My eyes refocus to a room of about twenty people all staring intently. Some with looks of empathy, others of greed, and it's honestly difficult to discern the two.
"Yes sorry I just got... distracted."
I had in fact been lost deep in thought about Billie. We haven't really said anything to each other, we fuck, a lot, we hold hands and go on 'dates' together, yet I still don't know where we stand. I like her. I feel nervous all the time around her, I never know what she's going to say, she excites me. And she so talented, I could listen to her sing for weeks. God and she's so gorg-

"Hello?..." A lady with a short, black bob and the face of someone with a lemon breaks my train of thought, "Bella you need to pay attention here."
I nod and apologise. I'm genuinely so grateful for where I am right now.
"So you'll be leaving in 6 weeks for the start of the tour. In this time, we'd like to, rather ambitiously, release your first solo song."
A bald man with the complexion of wax nods and juts in, "yes, I think it's definitely the smartest option for your current career status."
"We know you've been working on one, is there any chance you have a sample we could listen to today?" A pretty woman, maybe five years older asks this with kind eyes.
I smile, "I've sent the audio file to Matt, you're more than welcome to play it now." I direct to Matt.
On the meeting screen, they pull up my file.
"It's definitely not finished," I reassure, "but it could be something."
I twiddle my thumbs and scratch at the false wooden table of the meeting room, waiting in anticipation. The song I had been working on a couple days ago starts playing. I sit there mortified. I hear every error. Every falter in my voice. I dare not look at their faces and watch as my career, that I haven't had the chance to experience yet, disappear right in front of me. It's crazy how a room of basically strangers can make you question your worth.
Silence. After what felt like a millennia, it breaks, into cheers. The men in the room pat me on the back, the women congratulate and I feel weirdly out of place. Like the prize pig in a fair.
My stomach flips in equal portions of anxiety and excitement. This new life I've stepped into won't be easy, Billie explained the best she could, but I'm not quite sure words do it justice. I mean just look at Billies second album.
Speak of the devil, a text.
Billie- hey Matt said the sample went down really well.
-msg me when ur out
-miss u
Bella-we're just wrapping up x
Billie- ok I'll pick u up in a bit then :)

"Now if you don't mind me, Bella I'd like to show you to your studio room. There are allotted times, but this can always be moved." Matt opens a door to a wooden panelled room, it looks both futuristic, and straight out of the seventies. I stand in awe at the tech before consulting the schedule. I see I'm booked in for tomorrow, so I whip out my phone to put it in my calendar.
"Actually that reminds me, we've made you calendar that you can download in an app."
"Okay no worries"
"It just helps us to keep you on schedule." He smiles, but it doesn't reach his grey eyes.
I feel a shiver roll from the top of my head, cascading down to the base of my spine. Cold. That was weird.
I look at the time, and notice two missed calls from Billie.
"Hey Matt, I've got plans with Bil tonight, is it okay if I leave now?"
"Yes so have fun. Unwind."
I smile, letting my knotted brows unravel, not realising the strained state they had been in. I leave the little studio room and make my way down the long, green carpeted, corridor. Along the walls, I let the faces of my idols pass me by. Rock icons and pop stars gleam down at me, their white smiles promising success.

"Hey stranger." I rap on the roof of her car. She jolts like someone held molten iron to her back, before laughing.
"Get in idiot." She grins goofily.
I open the door and glide semi smoothly into the car, the last millisecond I catch my foot, my hand lands on her thigh for support. I look down to assess it. My eyes flick up to meet her. I melt. Her eyes are like clear water, and are boaring into my very soul. I try to play it off with a smirk before closing the door.
She leans back, relaxing into her seat, pulling out of the studios parking. Her hand griping the steering wheel, allowing faint veins to be revealed. How does she still have this effect over me? We've literally had sex countless times in the time I've known her and yet the slight touch of her thigh or the sight of her hands and I'm floored. I must be in deep.
She notices my silence, "you okay baby?"
"Umm...y-yyeah" I stutter at her casual use of baby.
I clear my throat, "hey you wouldn't mind if I drove for a sec would you?"
She raises her eyebrows, twisting her baseball cap to the back, "yeah of course baby."
I let my brain think over where to drive us. I want to be alone, alone with her, does that make sense?

The stress of work, Billie and weirdly my mom all melts away as I drive of the open road. I let the buildings get smaller and the dirt more orange as we get closer to the desert. In that moment, I change my mind roughly turning left. I hear her breath hitch, and she grips the door for support. Soon, the sun reflects into our eyes, a blinding yellow, off the surface of the ocean. I park up at the beach, choosing a parking lot with little to no cars. I really want it to be just us.
I take her hand, leading her out of the car. The sky is a dusty yellow, hardly a person in sight. Just us. I keep her hand in mine, aimlessly walking towards the sea. The horizon and the sand a broken by the band of shimmering water. I watch as small waves break and reform over and over again, knowing no end. We stay silent for a second, I think she understands that I need this. Just quiet, with someone that comforts them. I love the soft weight of her hand in mine, how our fingers interlace, and how it all seems to fit. I sigh and let the sun bleed, the light turns orange as I turn to her. She looking at me, patiently waiting for me to say something, worry painted on her features.
"I wish we didn't have to leave."
She smiles, a candid innocence in her icy eyes.
"I know baby."
She squeezes my hand and stares out into the sunset with me.