Secret Love

Sunset......

"Mr Tom?" The little voice beside him startled him. He sat up straight and quickly wiped his face with his hands, sniffing hard.

"J..." he turned, a warm smile painted on his now slightly blotchy face.  "What can I do for you, little one?"

She stood a foot or so away, hugging herself and twisting from side to side. Head tilted, she looked at him intently.

"Why are you crying?" It wasn't said cheekily. It wasn't meant to be harsh; she was simply curious. Men, well, any of the men she knew didn't cry. Not that she knew many, but for all that, none cried.

He sighed, how much should he burden an 11 year old with, even one as clever as her? What should he tell her? The truth, that's what. "Well, to tell you the truth, I'm very sad, J..." he looked at her with a soft smile.

Holding out a hand, he drew her to sit next to him on the little wall that surrounded the pool area. "I honestly hoped this holiday would let us get to know each other a bit better. Let you and Clare see that I don't want you to EVER not love your Dad. Show you both that I love Mum very much and that I love you both too. I just wanted to be with you all. In time, be a family. I failed. It's not your fault, not you or Mum or Clare. It's mine. "

It was a couple of days on from Urchingate as they'd laughingly called it and, as Clare's foot healed, so had her resolve. To maintain a cool distance. She was quite sure if she let him in, she'd be forced to give up the part of her that still belonged to her Dad.

Nothing Flick or Nancy could say would change her mind.  Tom had come to the crushing conclusion he couldn't inflict this much pain on anyone, let alone the girls he loved so much.

Jenny had, nevertheless, remained resolutely loyal to her hero, and now? Now that hero was sad and although she didnt really understand why, she knew she had to help him.

She sat silently, watching him, her eyes reflecting her confusion. No, wait, for the first time, it was something else, something far beyond her years, empathy.

"When you're older, I promise you this really will all make sense." He smiled and squeezed her hand. "Till then? You'll still have mum and Clare and Gran. And I will always care about you, even if you don't see me." He squeezed her hand gently.  She seemed to take a deep breath, in true Jenny fashion, then let it all tumble out.

"But Tom... if you leave, mum will be so very sad again, and she... I know she loves you a lot and she's so smiley with you. When Dad... died," she almost whispered the word, and he was so proud of her for using it. Then she swallowed and looked up at Tom, "She cried so much, more when she thinked we were sleeping. She forgot how to smile and everything for ages and ages. You made her smile and remember."

"I think I did. I hope so. I also wanted to make you and Clarebear smile and laugh. I wanted to hug you and play with you. I got that very wrong, though, and that makes me so sad."

Jenny looked up at him, shaking her head and frowning. "No. No, you made me smile a very lot. Mr Tom, grownup-ing is so hard, isn't it?"

By default, she'd reverted to "Mr" Tom. It was heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time. Was he losing her, too?

Tom nodded. "Very hard, Jenny. But you just have to try your best. There are no instructions, no list of rules. That's what makes your mum so amazing. She's so good at grownup-ing!"

"So... you're really just like us, then? Just doing your best? And sometimes, get it muddled up? Just like when we take Granny's dog out, and we wander off and get a bit muddy, but we always find a way back?" She bit her lip, deep in thought. As Tom looked at her, he could have sworn it was her mother sitting there.