Falling into Place - Forbidden Heart Series

15| Late Night Calls

I smiled.

Yeah, it was a fake smile, but at least it hid how I was really feeling. Terrified. I had never been so scared in my life.

But I hid my emotions well. It was a handy talent I learned during the time I was engaged to Ryan for that sham of a wedding. Hiding how I felt from my parents became easy after awhile. But these people weren't my parents. They were the head of the International Adoption Agency in London.

After we left Greece, Jackson and I stopped in London to look into adopting and to see how the process worked. I was all gung-ho for it.

Until we got here.

Dread washed over me as soon as we stepped inside the building. That feeling had me in a chokehold and I just wanted to runaway. But I didn't do that, either. Instead I smiled and nodded while I held Jackson's hand. Even though his eyes were on the person he was talking to, he sensed what I was feeling and squeezed my hand in comfort. He always knew when I was feeling off.

"So here's my card," the man said, reaching into his pocket. "Call me with any questions. And if you guys decided to adopt from us, we can start the process while you're in the US and go from there."

Jackson inclined his head and took the card from the guy who's name I forgot. "Thank you. We appreciate this. Princess?"

I forced the words past my lips. "Thank you, uh, sir. It was very informative."

Jackson led me through the sea of adults who wanted to adopt and the kids who needed to adopting. When I saw online that there was an open house here, I jumped on it. I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get the process started to having a family.

I was wrong.

Jackson led me through the entrance of the building and I welcomed the fresh air outside. I was still a little out of it and took me a minute to realize that Jackson took me towards the large white fountain instead of our rental car.

He looked into my eyes with concern and worry. 

"Princess, what's wrong? And don't say nothing. I can feel the pain rolling off of you."

I tried to answer. I opened and closed my mouth several times. I cleared my throat twice.

"You're starting to scare me." he whispered as he cupped my cheek.

"Jackson, I. . ." I squeezed my eyes tight for a second before I could finally say it. "We can't do this. I can't do this."

His brows drew together. "What do you mean?"

As much as I wanted his touch and comfort, I took a step back from him.

"Jackson, I was so sure that this was what I wanted. What we wanted. I did the research and I weighed the pros and cons. But I. . ."

I met his gaze and I wish I hadn't. His expression was unreadable. It was only like that when he had his defenses up. I've only seen him that a few times. The first was when we were sneaking around behind Ryan's back and Jackson's tried to kept me at a arm's length to avoid catching feelings. The second time was when Ryan made Jackson break-up with me in an attempt to protect me. Jackson kissed another girl in front of me to push me away. Then the last time was when we separated because of my own issues related to having a family.

Jackson eyes didn't reveal anything regarding his feelings. "You don't want a family."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

I stepped back into his body and cupped his face in my hands. "Jackson, I do want a family. More than anything. That's not what's wrong."

"Then tell me, princess," he rasped, his defences cracking. "I'm hanging on my a thread here."