Falling into Place - Forbidden Heart Series

47| Lifeline

One hundred sixty-eight. That's how many hours it's been since my mom got out of surgery.

Ninety-six. That's how many hours it's been since I was told she was brain dead.

No brain activity. None. That's what they said. Well, not quite like that, but that was the gist. And that pill was a hard one to swallow. Matter of fact, it was still hard to swallow. But the bigger pill was today. Today marked one week, and according to her advanced directive, she didn't want to stay this way any longer.

I haven't left her bedside since she came out of surgery. The farthest I've gone from her room was to the cafeteria, and that was only because Danielle dragged me there. Well, there was one another place I went.

The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

Ryan and Danielle's baby was healing remarkably after the surgery. That made me happy; because that meant that what my mom said worked. It wasn't in vain. There was a piece of my mom in that baby, and as weird as that sounded, it gave me some comfort. But not as much as I needed unfortunately.

It took a lot of reassuring on my part to finally get Danielle and Ryan to stop feeling guilty. None of this was their fault. It was no one's fault. According to the doctor's and specialists, the surgery went perfectly. With my permission, they even let Ayden look over her chart and everything. Once he was done, he confirmed what they told me.

Then gave me the hard truth: sometimes after surgery, people just didn't wake up. It was rare, but it happened. In the world of medicine, there wasn't a reason for everything. God, I wish I knew the reason for this.

I mean, there had to be one, right? There had to be some reason that my mom didn't make it out of this. She was Cherise Lovette for crying out loud. She was strong. Fierce and proud. She was the helicopter mom that took care of everyone. She wasn't. . . this. She wasn't not herself.

But there were no answers. There was only the clock. And it was ticking away, counting down the last few hours before the doctors would have to remove her from life support. I've always been a pretty independent person, but nothing in my life prepared me for this. Nothing prepared me to live without her.

"Need anything?" Ryan asked from the uncomfortable chair beside me.

He and Danielle took turns sitting with me every day, usually in shifts. They never left the baby or me by ourselves.

"I'm good. Thanks, though."

"You sure? It's been a while since you ate anything."

The worry in his voice told me it's been longer than a while. When I got first got the news about my mom's diagnosis, I didn't eat for twenty-seven hours. I kinda passed out, actually. Malnutrition was a bitch. My friends panicked and had a nurse check me over. After some fluids and food, I was feeling a little better. Okay. . . not better, but I didn't feel like I was going to pass out again. Not from starvation, anyway.

Without looking away from my mom, I said, "Actually, Ryan, can you get me a coffee? And maybe a muffin? You're right. I should probably eat something."

He got to his feet immediately. Like he was waiting for me to ask him for something. Anything. "Absolutely. I'll be right back."

I took advantage of the alone time while he was gone and sat on the side of my mom's hospital bed. I've been trying to push the memories of the night before her surgery out of my brain, but it seemed impossible.

"You can't be serious, mom. I know you want to save the baby, but this could be too much for you."

She continued packing her duffle bag with clothes and toiletries that she wanted to take to the hospital with her. "We've already talked about this, Guinevere. I'm going through with the surgery."