Not Us 3: Odette & Ford

Chapter 12

Odette's POV

I got each of the kids out and took them upstairs to their rooms for naps. They were exhausted and, emotionally, so was I. I was so tired. It was two years. Two years of not knowing, not hearing from him. Of not knowing if he was alive or dead. Not knowing where he was. If he was safe...if he still loved me as much as I loved him. I went into my room after making sure the baby monitor was on, and I turned on the shower.

I stood under that hot water until it ran cold. I don't know how long I was under the water, but I was shivering by the time I got out. I tried to wash myself, but I just ended up curled in a ball on the floor of the shower, crying. My heart hurt so bad. For me, for him, for the 'us' we could have been. What happened to him over there? What did he have to do or witness that has scarred his mind so badly? Do I have the power to help him? Do I have to ability? The patience I know it would take?

I honestly don't know. Archie is in pre-k for the rest of the school year, which isn't much longer, and he'll go again next year, so that frees me up during the day somewhat. But we both have work, and I still have Asher and Sutton at home with me. Am I able to? Wouldn't it be kinder to just offer him friendship? I know I can give that. I don't know if I can give him the love and patience he deserves. I know he has feelings for me, and I have feelings for him. But that's the him of two years ago. The man I fell in love with. I don't know who this new Ford is. I don't know what he's been through. Or how to love him anymore.

I curled up on my bed, having changed into my favorite sweats because I needed comfort, and I cried some more. 

I felt a hand gently shaking me. I opened my eyes to see Briggs right next to my bed. I shot up, not knowing when I fell asleep or how long for.

"Relax. We came over maybe two hours after you left the party center," he tried to calm me as I sat up and frantically looked for the monitor. Where did it go? Where are the kids?

"He's with them. They're playing in the backyard. I've talked with him, and he asked that I talk with you," He looked at me as went to look out the window of my room facing the backyard. I could see him playing with them. It looked like he was showing them how to kick a ball. Archie was loving it, Asher was falling on his butt frequently or chasing after the ball and kicking it unintentionally. Sutton was sitting with her pink ball sitting in the middle of her legs, hitting it and looking like she was all smiles and giggles at her Daddy and brothers. I smiled at the sight below me. They love him already. 

It's only been a few weeks.

"He wanted me to talk to you about...what changes someone can go through after coming back from somewhere like he was." I looked over my shoulder at him, confused and slightly offended. He's talked to Briggs but not me? The woman he claims to still love? No. Stop it, Odette. That's not fair to him.

"Where was he? I don't understand. He hasn't told me anything about it." Briggs stepped up beside me, looking out the window at the loving view below us.

"You know, he keeps saying he should have died over there. Looking out there, can you imagine if that was me out there playing with the kids while Jac and your mom were up here comforting you? Now that you've seen this," his hand swept at the view in front of me. My kids all looked so happy. They all smiled while playing with him, or while he was making silly faces, and were happy. They didn't have to share a male figure in their lives with their cousins. They got their own.

"No."

"He wants to be better. For you. For them. He wants this, Odette. He wants the family he dreamed of with you before." He paused for a moment letting that sink in. i looked out the window at the only man to ever steal my heart, and wreck me so completely I'd never been with anyone since him. Letting the memory of him telling me, what I think was meant to be a private confession to himself, as we sat on the beach together watching the sunrise after we'd spent another night awake, talking and learning of each other. When he let his guard fall completely and said, 'I want a life and family with you one day'.