Not Us 3: Odette & Ford

Chapter 14

Ford's POV

I handed Sutton off to Romee and my little girl cooed and babbled at Romee's earrings. All the kids were happy and occupied with Bodhi and Romee as Odette took my hand and led me upstairs and into her room so we could talk. I was nervous. What did she want to talk about?

She sat on her bed and pulled me down to sit next to her. I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling like I was going to be pacing back and forth a bit with the conversation. She turned to me, sitting crisscross applesauce, and looked at me.

"I want you to know, I'm happy to be trying to navigate this journey with you. I am concerned about a few things and would like to talk about them. Are you in a good headspace to do that?"

I took a deep breath and wiped my hands on my pants. I looked at her, then looked at the floor. I didn't want her to think less of me, but I was nervous. I felt her hand touch mine and I flinched a little bit. She tried to pull away, but I grabbed her hand.

Be brave fucker.

"I'm nervous. I don't know what you want to talk about and that's why I'm nervous. But I am open to it. I just might pace." She nodded, squeezing my hand.

"Please tell me if it's too much." I nodded and waited for her to continue. "I've been, talking to Jac and Briggs. We wanted to let you know, that you don't have to move into a new house right away. If it's uncomfortable staying in the main house, the pool house was redone into essentially a guest house. There are two bedrooms, a living room, a bathroom, and a full kitchen. It's small, but it's nice. I stayed there and thought I'd be staying there after I gave birth to Sutton. But I ended up moving to the main house because of the boys."

She paused to see if I was listening. I nodded, and she continued, "We just don't want you taking on too much. Your main focus should be your mental health, work, which, I know you said you found two jobs and that's awesome," she smiled at me, reaching her hand out to mine again and squeezing it. If this is how all conversations go, I'll be fine. I love her holding my hands.

"The kids and I go to therapy, individual and family therapy, and I was hoping, once you're comfortable, you'll join us for some of the family therapy. It seems to really be helping all of us navigate the unique position we're in where the boys aren't technically mine, and I'm trying to keep Poppy and Mack's memories alive, but I'm the one taking care of and loving them. It's a lot for them to go through." I nodded understanding that. It could be challenging, especially as the boys get older, and with Asher not having any memories of Poppy or Mack because he was so little when they died.

"I think that would be good. I'll talk with Jac and Briggs about staying in the pool house. I don't want to step on any toes. If we don't work out...I'm going to need a house. That's why I was thinking I should just buy a house. It's more permanent than renting. But...I could see where living across the street from me if we don't work wouldn't be comfortable for either of us. I was short-sighted," my eyes were on my hands in my lap.

"That's not what I'm saying. I'd like to see where this goes. We were so good when we were together, I just worry that it might be too much. And, I'll never keep the kids from you, but if after a year, things are working out with us, I'd like to see about co-parenting. I still love you. But I know that I love who you were before you left. I need to learn who you are now. And I want to try to learn who you are together."

"I'm trying to get back to that guy, I just—"

"No," I looked at her, worry etching every one of my features. Did she not want this? What was she saying? I looked at her, hoping, praying she'd elaborate, "You're fundamentally different. Some really fucked up shit happened to you over there. I don't expect you to be the same man you were then. That would be a completely unfair thing to expect you to go back to. I want to know who you are now, so we can travel this road together," woah. I could feel the tears coming.