Not Us 3: Odette & Ford

Chapter 11

Odette's POV

Asher's birthday went off without a hitch! All our friends and their kids came to the party center and had a blast. Bodhi insisted on renting out the whole place since we had such an age range of kids who would be there. He said he didn't want anyone to not have a good time. Sutton, Archie, and I helped Asher open his presents. Jac took note of who got what for thank you notes. All of the kids were having a blast running around and playing. I looked around at everyone and noticed Ford was in the back of the room, with his back to a corner when we were opening gifts and doing the smash cake. I noticed that he would move around the edges of the room when the kids were playing. Sutton kept her eyes on him while she would play and more than once, I caught them looking at each other.

I had to keep my eyes on the boys as they ran around like crazy. Sutton was sticking close to me, but she also wasn't fully steady on her feet yet. She wasn't even a year old. Just six more weeks until her birthday. Jac and I talked today about what we wanted to do for the twins & Sutton's birthday. We were thinking of having it at her house, and doing a joint birthday since they were all born on the same day.

It wasn't until the end of the party, when we were loading up the gifts, and saying goodbye to our guests, that I noticed Ford wasn't anywhere to be seen. I was walking around, making sure that all of the gifts were being taken out, and the leftovers were packed up, and I hadn't seen him. I put shoes on Archie and Asher and was carrying Sutton out. Jac took Sutton for me after getting the twins buckled in.

"Have you seen Ford?" I asked, looking around.

She smirked at me, "Ford?" I could feel my face blush as I was putting my shoes on. Romee offered to take the boys out and get them in their seats. I nodded as I put my shoes on, and did a final check around the room before leaving. Briggs and Bodhi were the ones who had been taking the gifts out for me. I looked out front and saw Ford getting the gifts from both of them as they were taking them out to the cars, making sure to check periodically on all the kids in the cars until we were loaded and ready to go.

I watched as he basically played Tetris to get all the stuff organized in the back of his SUV and mine. Jac and Romee were walking back in to grab the guys as I walked out to get in the car and tell him thanks for coming. I walked up behind him, said 'Hey', and touched his shoulder. He spun around so fast and pushed me backward, putting some distance between us.

"Oww!"

I fell on my ass and just looked at him, confused. I rubbed where I fell because damn did that fucking hurt! He looked horrified and started apologizing, pacing, pulling his hair. Briggs and Jac came out first and seen what happened. Jac ran back inside and moments later, Bodhi and Briggs came running out to him and took him over to a more secluded spot in the parking lot. Jac and Romee came up to help me up and talk to me.

After assuring them I was fine, I got in the car where the kids were waiting, as patiently as possible, and left to go home. Romee offered to ride back with me, but I turned her down, just wanting to get the kids home and be with them. That's was my toxic coping mechanism. I shut down and shut people out. I was driving and noticed each of the kiddos starting to drift off. I pulled into my garage and just shut the car off. I sat there for a few minutes as I put the garage door down.

I rested my head on my hands that were still holding the top of the steering wheel.

What happened? Why did he push me? I was just about to say 'Hey' again when it seemed he didn't hear me. Why the hell did he put his hands on me though?

The tears had welled in my eyes with my swirling thoughts and then cascaded down my hands and arms.

Is this what PTS does? Is this what we have to live with forever?

Ford's POV

I pushed her.

No!

I shoved her.

Fuck!

I didn't mean it! I swear!

Today was the day of Asher's party. My therapist and I had been working on ways for me to be able to be there and how to recognize when I was reaching my limits and when and where to take breaks. I'd scouted the place the day before. I knew where I was going to park, and I knew where I was going to be taking my breaks. I practiced my breathing techniques before going inside.

I spoke to Bodhi a few days after I got back about Asher's birthday and asked if went in on the cost with him and if we could rent the whole place. He said he'd call and let me know. Thankfully there weren't a lot of people there when we first got there. He was one of the first ones I saw. I'd talked with him and Briggs the day before, making sure they'd be able to help me recognize when I was getting overstimulated or too on edge.

Things were going great until the end. By that point, it had been three hours of kid music, screams, playing, and watching all three of them. Thankfully my smart girl stayed with her Mama most of the time, so I didn't have to worry too much about her. Just her crazy brothers. Asher was learning to walk and Archie was more than willing to help him. He could take a few steps, then fall. Archie was trying to explore every inch of this party center and I swear, we'd have to come back on a slow day so they could explore everything.

I was hyper-focused on getting all these damn gifts into the cars without smashing anything. Odette had a lot of the leftovers in her trunk in boxes so shit wouldn't spill. There were some gifts I'd put on top, but most of the big stuff Asher got, went in my SUV. I felt a hand on my shoulder and instantly went into fight or flight mode. I turned and pushed whatever threat was behind me away from me. I kept my hands up in the defensive position and looked around.

The hiss and 'oww' alerted me that whoever had touched me, was on their ass. I looked down and I swear my heart fell out of my ass. I pushed Odette.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" I started pacing back and forth in front of the trunk. I worked so hard to get to where we are. Did I just fuck it up?! Oh god! I put my hands on her! This is why I should have died over there. She deserves better than some fucking mental fuck who can't get his head right and puts his hands on her.

"Fuck!" I shouted into the parking lot, as I started pulling on my hair, still pacing. I heard footsteps coming up at a rapid pace. Briggs came into my line of sight first and started leading me away.

"Breath man. She's okay. Tell us what happened." I was trying to breathe normally so I could talk and form sentences.

"I pushed her," I looked at the two men in front of me, horrified that I'd done that, "I hurt her. I put my hands on her!" Briggs was nodding as Bodhi just stood there listening, "I fucking hurt her. I did that! This is why..."

"Why what?" Bodhi finally asked, arms crossed in front of him, looking down his nose at me. He already knew he wasn't going to like what was about to come out of my mouth.

"This is why I should have died over there. I'm a fucking mental case. I can't even have my girl touch me unless she announces herself! I should have fucking died!"

He shook his head, "Brother, you would have done that no matter what. Did you hear her? Were you too focused on what you were doing?" I nodded and he continued, "When I first came back, I was the same. Everything freaked me out. I had to have the whole room in front of me. I went on a date, and she thought it was cute to put her hands over my eyes until I grabbed her wrists and pushed her back into the wall with my steak knife to her throat. Scared the fuck outta her."

"She'll be fine," Briggs said, sounding so sure of himself. He put his arm around me since I'd calmed down. Wasn't sure when or how that happened. "Let's get you home, and then we can talk with her. Bodhi can drive, Romee can ride home with one of the girls, and we'll get it sorted. Okay?"

I nodded.

I hope I didn't fuck this up more. The monster in my head was telling me that's all I was good for.