AFTERGLOW.| CYJ

36

Joohyun's sitting infront of mr. Kim, the ceo of the company. His cabin is huge and makes her feel more comfortable talking to him. She tells him about how envious she is about the other idols in the industry. It's raw and compelling. Mr. Kim's ears are keen to grasp the highs and lows in her voice. He proclaims that he could tell when someone is twisting the truth but his employee is speaking in a monotone, almost invasive. It's mind boggling how she can talk with such intensity of the horrors she faced after stepping into this career as an idol. What makes it intriguing is that, she smiles after each sentence laughing about the pain behind it. He's considering to intervene but the seriousness of his face isn't foreshadowing that, instead he's listening with full attention.

"Ms. Joohyun, I know this is subject of great sensitivity, but can I educate you on the impact you've created by just following your dreams?", he finally decides to weave in, his words sounding urgent.

"I don't know how impact I am, but if I'm unable to create a lasting impact right now, at this moment, I feel conflicted on continuing this path", she says, a grin supporting her reponse, "Fans want me to retire. I wake up everyday and pray my career is in one piece"

"Ms. Joohyun, I know you're going through a rough patch in your career but do you know that five of your songs are under top 200, infact all your songs have a gained a impactful position in the charts. This isn't small, it speaks volume coming from a soloist in a company full of popular groups"

"Achievements are overlooked, mr. Kim. I think they're more meaningful when someone takes part in your acheivements", she tells him, her confident smirk growing as she swings her leg over her other, "My fans want me gone. It's hard to say that it isn't affecting me"

"I understand. Support is subject to change but least I can do is protect you as an artist", he tells her. He's desparate and unwilling to let go of so much potential.

"I appreciate it."

Joohyun knows that too. She hasn't even reached 40 percent of actual potential, it's vast but she's restricting herself to thinking that she isn't enough. She is enough for herself. She's done enough, she's experienced tides too high and dropped down low. Her career is meaningless infront of a small rejection but it is enough to rewire her brain to look at a small version of her in the big world-where each milestone seems like the smallest step to the top. Instead, she's not focusing on the top, she wants to let herself fall, to the ground-where words feel weak and can't penetrate through her fragile ego.

"Ms. Joohyun. No matter what supresses your desire to perform, it is our responsibility as a company to help you gain strength. I don't know how far of a label we can achieve as an entertainment company, but the time and effort spent on your debut is a predeccesor of what you've given back to us", he tells her, putting back the paper work aside. He takes out his glasses to appear more serious with his next appeal.

"I want you to be a part of the panel for the trainee selection program. We appreciate your honesty and would love to have you as a guest panel", he offers.

Joohyun's default answer is a no. From inside, she isn't empowering , she's struggled herself. She's blunt with her words because her native tongue is expressive, her impatience combined can affect the trainees she would have to critic. It can be harsh , or worse ruin someone's ambition to work. But not everyone has it easy, support and recongnition is scarce. If it weren't for Yeonjun waking up every morning to pack her lunch-his way of silently supporting her, she wouldn't have been seated infront of mr. Kim being offered to judge a trainee program.

She was always thankful to what Yeonjun had done, but it's unfortunate that one confession back four years ago changed her entire life, compelling or not, it was carved into the deepest corners of her memories.