AFTERGLOW.| CYJ

40

The first few weeks were difficult and bittersweet. She had to get her ears checked for tinnitus because his painful words kept repeating in her ears. It added to the collection of illnesses Joohyun had to go to the hospital for, despite that, she hadn't gotten a place in front of a couple therapist explaining the situation of her relationship. She had given up on the idea of love and immersed herself in work. It was the only constant left in her life. Her interactions with Heeseung reduced, she met Sunghoon in the corridors but often found peace in solo company. 

Heeseung was well aware that his words pierced her in places that were already wounded. But wounds heal when they're exposed. Joohyun is a strong girl even if she doesn't think of that herself, her decision to take time to reflect on her emotions alone showed how mature she was. He was not himself when he spoke those words that day, but if he were to ponder about it—it meant that he was bothered. Heeseung didn't want to be bothered, he never bothers about something.  He said what needed to be said, it indirectly saved her life but it broke a part of their friendship that he was always afraid to lose. He cherished her presence dearly, but he denies it because he isn't supposed to feel like that. He could never accept being in "love" as a vampire. It was lust. It was obsession.

This morning he heads to the LP store. He's dressed in a bright yellow top and pairs of fresh jeans, his hair is parted 3/4ths, his usual, but bangs let down. He felt energetic that morning, the bleak pressure of being a main character dropped off his shoulders when he reflected on his own words. His numbness was birching.

Joohyun was like a film camera, she captured everyone's feelings but her own and made no memories because it was painful. Heeseung was running away from pain. He's not used to being in pain, he's not used to putting himself in the trap of pain, but his friend walks over it every single moment of her life. And that's the reason she appreciates old age. Because it takes too much resilience and pain to age. Every year you age, you become less important to someone. It's lonely and painful. Heeseung has experienced aging, but never a loss with aging.

He looks for mr. Ahn dong's music album. According to his research, he's divorced and a single parent of two children. It was a glimpse of why Joohyun chose him as her idol.  If marriage was something she took too long to understand, divorce was another. Divorce was like play in snow to her, it was like throwing something at someone but drowning it themselves. She hated her mother for ruining her marriage, but she understood what must compelled her to go for it. She must have needed it.

Mrs. Han never brought up her father's name in the house, she discouraged her children to the point that Joohyun grew believing that parenting was done by one person. She never really missed her father or got curious about him.

"Can I get one of these please?", Heeseung asks the receptionist with a bright smile. The lady walks out of the small cabin to pack the album for him. 

He drives over to Joohyun's apartment, the one he teased, the one he spent most of his time smiling. He gets down with a bouquet of flowers and Ahn dong's album in his other. The Koi fish pond in the veranda was frozen. The fishes were sent to an aquarium. The garden had dried out, leaves expired and peeling off from their parent plants as the winds whistled past by. Winter had arrived. It was December and also, Joohyun's birth month.

It is her birthday today, but he sees her wearing a mourning dress. She steps out of the elevator as Heeseung  waits in front of her apartment door. She is flustered upon seeing him there, her expressions weren't showing the range of emotions she felt upon seeing him there but she rather walks past him with a quick and brief "Hi". Her hand shows impatience as she unlocks the front door. He crouches down to place the humongous bouquet on the floor and stands up to gently lift her hands on to his hips.