AFTERGLOW.| CYJ

39

The closeness between them in the stall is suffocating despite the space. She sits on top of the toilet bowl and he kneels in front of her preparing her insulin syringe. She lifts her shirt up to expose her abdomen for him. He brings the needle close to her skin. She is used to feeling. She initially feels a light tug underneath, but his focus makes it difficult for her to watch. He pulls away when he's done, but she feels empty as though he injected despair instead of insulin.

After that Joohyun's ready to leave but, Yeonjun's not willing to let her.

"I want you to give me five minutes", his voice disciplines her.

"You don't have to raise your voice all the time to convey something", she begins, as he gently wipes her skin a tissue. He hums. How else was he supposed to talk to her? She was stubborn and rude. He could never even think about hurting a bug but he raised his hand at her instead.

"Are you done talking?", he asks as he glances at her, his gaze as cold as the night he attempted to hit her. His voice is like slow torture.

"I will scream if you try to hurt me again", she threatens him, her expressions turning tense as she glares at him. But he's unfazed by her warning. Anxiousness flickers in her eyes. He was not proud about what she was becoming. But it's painful to watch her sink in her emotions and not stand up for herself.

"Hmm. Go ahead", he says as he grabs her wrist and pulls her closer. It's not in the force with which he holds her hostage, it's in her weakness that thaws when she struggles to pull out. "Let go of me, it hurts", she twists her wrist out but gets pulled even closer causing her to crash against him, her head dashing against his. He positions the monitor on her upper arm and clicks the applicator in. It's sort of a patch that tugs on the skin. He releases her, and stands up reacting late to the head dash. He covers his head to soothe the pain, turns around even more annoyed than he was already.

Joohyun gets up impatiently to slam his shoulder in anger. She screams, pushing his arm as he takes it calmly. She slams his shoulders away in agony, the rage in her breaking free, "FUCK YOU! fuck you, fuck you fucking bitch!", she takes a step back breathing heavily.

"You raise your hand at me one more time and I'll show you what I can fucking do", she spits, words hurling out of her like a reluctant confession. She was guilty but she was glad that she stood up for herself. Yeonjun hears it and continues to calmly gather the disposables on the floor without reacting to her. She unlocks the stall door and rushes outside.

-

It's Yeonjun's fault that he's tolerating her immature behavior. He thinks it's the right thing to do. He thinks it's how he should tame his girlfriend and let her realize that it is wrong. He missed telling her that he was leaving for his flight that night. His inflight meal tastes like crap because of this numbness. He's eating mashed potatoes for dessert, which is somehow resembling how his heart is-mushy and gooey with all that disgust for her. He doesn't know why he clings to her, both of them are hurting each other but no one is taking the blame.

At home, Joohyun is worse. She's missing him because she feels guilty of standing up for herself. She misses him like a moth being seperated from light, she misses him like the snow hugs the earth during winter. She misses him like sadists miss torture. There's a weight in her hands that she can't put down now no matter how much she tries to.

Heeseung gently moves her hand wound around the ladle that was about to touch the hot pan, his touch grounding her as she finds him leaning against the kitchen counter. She was so immersed that she hadn't even noticed him sneak inside. She gathers herself nervously after spotting him in the kitchen. She turns around to pull her hair into a bunch, she pulls the hair band around her wrist and twists it over to tie a knot.