Shassie oneshots, i guess

A Fish By Any Other Name

Summary: Lassiter is very proud of his Koi pond, and gives it the utmost care and attention. Shawn also loves his boyfriend's Koi pond, especially when it comes to naming them. Even though Lassiter isn't too thrilled about the names Shawn comes up with.

Notes: once again, a conversation that was had in the psychos discord inspired this oneshot. Enjoy!

Flufftober day 16: Yes, No, Maybe

Word Count: 1,123

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Lassiter kneeled beside the large koi pond and tugged on a large pair of clean rubber gloves. Once he was sure they were secure, he grabbed the small skimmer. Carefully, he scooped up leaves and other debris that had fallen into the water. He was very cautious not to accidentally net his curious fish as he cleared away the pond surface. Once that was done, Lassiter dumped the debris he'd acquired off to the side.

Then, he set the net aside and grabbed his pruning shears in one hand, sifting through the pond greenery with the other.

It was maintenance day, the day that came once a week, to help keep Lassiter's precious Koi pond alive and intact. Every Saturday, on the dot, he would wake up and immediately go outside to care for the small ecosystem set up in his backyard. He loved keeping up with it, as it gave him something to do during otherwise empty weekends.

As his hand glided through the clean water, one of the koi — pure white with a black mask covering its face — swam up and brushed against it a few times before swimming away.

Lassiter smiled to himself, and continued to sift through the lilies and eelgrass. Soon enough he found a dead spot and quickly pruned it, tossing the yellowed piece over his shoulder onto the little pile of debris from earlier as he moved on to the next plant.

Kois, despite popular belief, weren't just dumb fish. Technically, all fish weren't dumb. Yes, they lacked the ability to love, but that didn't stop Lassiter's koi from swimming up to him every morning he came out to feed them, or whenever he needed to do some routine maintenance on their home.

He snipped at the last dead stem, and flung it into the small pile behind him.

Standing on his knees he shuffled over to the filtration system. He opened it, and checked for any debris. Thankfully, it was all minimal, so he was able to slide it back in and move on to his next task.

He plunged his hands deeper into the water and located the water pump sticking out the side of the pond. As he did, more koi swam up to him, flashes of white and orange and black and even a smudge of red swirled around his yellow glove. They brushed against his arm before flitting off once more, only to come back and do it all again.

It was difficult, but Lassiter managed to ignore them and felt around the pump, making sure it wasn't clogged. If it was, then it would stop up the small waterfall and the water wouldn't be as oxygenated as it should be. But thankfully there wasn't anything stopping it up, so he pulled back and sat on his haunches.

Peeling off his gloves, Lassiter reached into his pocket and grabbed a testing strip. This would let him see the pH, oxygen, ammonia, nitrate, lead, copper, iron, and zinc levels. All of said chemicals were on standby just in case any of it was too low.

Just as he was about to dip the strip into the pond-

"Carlyyyyy!"

Lassiter startled, nearly dropping the strip into the water. Thankfully, he kept his grip tight on it, and it stayed right in his hand where it was supposed to be. However, he fell backwards and landed on his ass a bit roughly.

Taking a breath to calm his racing heart, he shouted back, "Yes?"

The back door opened, and out stepped Shawn. "I thought of a name for the third one!" Excitedly, he speed-walked over to the pond where his boyfriend sat.

Lassiter raised his eyebrows at Shawn's statement.

Just earlier that day, he'd gone out to get two more koi from the breeder he got his others from. It was what he did every time he got new fish. Never just one, always two.

Koi were very social, and best bought in pairs. Lassiter had done extensive research on them so he could provide the best home. He named his first two Smith and Wesson, then the next two Clint and Eastwood.

Around the time he got the next two koi he'd started dating Shawn and had him move in. Of course he'd somehow convinced Lassiter to name them Tiny and Chonky. Neither of the koi lived up to their names. Tiny was the biggest Koi in his pond, reaching 3 feet and 2 inches in length, a beautiful white in color with a red spot on the head, while Chonky was the smallest at a mere 2 and a half feet, pure orange with flecks of black all over.

This time around, however, the breeder only had three koi left. If he'd bought two, then he'd be leaving the other one all alone for who knows how long. And if he'd only bought one it would still be by itself, swimming in the indoor tank until it grew big enough to be released into the outdoor pond.

So Lassiter caved and bought all three of them. Which meant now he was in a bit of a bind, seeing as how he'd only prepared two names — Saber and Bayonet — for the new koi. Which meant the third one was nameless for the time being. Which meant that Shawn had taken it upon himself to 'psychically read' the third koi and come up with a name for it.

Turning back to the pond, Lassiter dipped the test strip into the water and began to hold it still as the water changed the small colored tabs. "Oh? What is it?"

Shawn was now standing right next to him. "Destroyer."

Lassiter's brain short-circuited. He wasn't serious, was he? Then again, he did name two of the fish Chonky and Tiny. While also pondering out loud the names Crunch and Wrap, along with Nuke and Tank.

He shook his head. "No. No. No-"

"Oh come on, Carly! It's the perfect name!"

Lassiter turned to fully face him, making sure the testing strip stayed in the water. "Shawn. Really? Destroyer?"

"Yes! It's a great name! And don't worry, I already asked what Destroyer thinks of it. Two fins up!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"...Maybe?"

Oh god. He was doing the puppy eyes now. Lassiter knew he could only resist for so long. Still, he tried his best, going as far as to turn away again and focus on the finished testing strip, pulling it out of the water and holding it up to the chart.

But he couldn't focus, Lassiter could practically feel Shawn's eyes on him, begging.

And eventually, he caved. "Fine. Destroyer it is."

Shawn whooped, startling the koi innocently swimming in the pond.

"Careful!"

"Ah, sorry!"

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Notes: Guys can you tell i love them sosososo much