When I Was A Stranger To Myself

Chapter Four: Scars Of The Moon

13th October. Such a snowy day. And a loved one's birthday.
I was so excited to spend my day with him, I worked on a doll for four months for him and bought him a long  sweater for his present. He always wore fluffy necked sweaters. We were having a one week vacation from university so there was going to be no problem for us hanging out late or early. For some reason the hostel I planned to live in with Zen was closed and he went back home. So did I but It never bothered me again, because I was happy. Zen told me there's someone he likes and he might introduce me to her. It was 3 a.m. I was in the club, skating and listening to “M.” and waiting for his text. I had so much to talk to him I had to say a lot, I want to thank him for being with me and what not.
I just got a weird feeling and I saw my phone. I had a text from Zen.
“I'm leaving, I'll be a bit late”

My heart was skipping beats. I was so happy,  I have never been so excited before. I took the presents from my locker and left the club. I was seen dancing in the snow, I was seen smiling and I was seen like a leader of angels. Zen had to come to my club first but I was so excited that I went to pick him up from his station. I arrived too early there and started checking out stores for a hot drink, I got Coffee and sat in the shop watching people. Sipping and seeing the snowfall, Sipping and seeing the people walking. While I was drinking I zoned out…I realized…that at home so many things happened that would've made me sent to a mental hospital but I have been calm. He saved my family. My only…

Just while I was having a moment with my thoughts I saw a glance of a man, he was buffy, wearing a fluffy coat just like Zen, but…he was with someone, an old man? I…I focused closely…it was Zen indeed…he was crying…The man was pushing and hitting him and he was not doing anything. It was not a fight, they were doing it side by side so people never noticed.
But I…I had trillions of thoughts.
“Should I go? Who is that man? He doesn't know I am here! NO! NO! NO! just look at him how he is crying…don't you freaking dare…”
and I left. I ran to him. There were so many people that I saw Zen but the old man wasn't there, he was gone. I was behind Zen and ran and tapped his back. He turned his eyes red. Oh I did not like that! I want to help him.

“Zen! WHO WAS HE?, Are you okay? What's happening?” I shouted.

“Hm-N-no” he cried.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HE WAS HITTING YOU ZEN!”

“I-I'll tell you later” he murmured and leaned his head on my chest and started crying. Why? I was stuck, I couldn't move, I hugged him, I felt him shivering and shaking, my eyes were in tears too. He moved away and asked
“Can we go to the park?” 

“Ofcourse, just a minute” I said and left, I forgot the presents at the store,  and I thought to get him a hot drink. I got coffee again. I had never felt so worried for anyone like this before. I was glad I had someone to take care of too, but my heart wasn't ready for things that were going to happen. I hurried to him and gave him a drink.
He laughed and said “I hate Coffee” and took the cup from me.
What was I supposed to say? I didn't say anything. We were walking quietly when he started speaking.
“He was my father…”
I turned and looked at him…

 “He doesn't want to accept Hana. He says he despises her…for no reason…I love her with everything I have, I came this far…did as he always said…even sacrificed my so many dreams…my almost everything…I in return just asked for Hana….”

I was so lost in him. Can someone really love someone like this? I would not say this is love. This is a curse! Zen was so hurt because of his father…his father's words felt to me…like my mother's…at a moment I thought if he was thinking of killing his father…but I kept my mouth shut and tried not to ruin the heavy heart he was speaking with…Ah his Hana…

“...No Zen” I looked away from his eyes. How to console a person? How to comfort someone you love? How do you do it? I felt so helpless.
“Zen…don't think about your father, let him feed his delusions, you don't have to speak to him again and don't worry about the future! Zen it's your day, let's call Hana over too and have fun, you can't be hurt forever Zen…” I spoke while my heart bled.