fourth wing xadens pov

chaptet 15

Chapter 15: Survival

It’s been hours but I can’t sleep. Instead, I lay wide-eyed in my bed, turning a dagger over and over in my hand. Every time I close my eyes, I see Violet wrapped around Aetos, clinging to him like he’s the only thing that matters in the world. Their bodies pressed together, and hungry kisses that scream of years of pent-up sexual tension. It’s my worst fucking nightmare come to life.

It’s not even that I wish it was me instead. It’s that it’s Aetos that makes my skin crawl. He doesn’t deserve her, he’s a damper on a fire that should be fed into an inferno, burning clear and bright. Gods, General Sorrengail’s daughter and Colonel Aetos’s son… it’s such a cliché my eyes burn.

But fuck, there was a moment today when I thought maybe this was going to end differently. For a few seconds, there was an us… and then just as suddenly, it became a them.

The idea of having to see them together makes my chest feel tight. Violet’s eyes lighting up when he looks at her. Violet reaching out to grab his hand. Violet throwing her arms around his neck, her hair flying free as he lifts her up and spins her round.

The insidious burn of jealousy rages through me. How could she want him when he told her he would have been content to stand by and watch her die? And yet she chose him, kissed him.

A quiet knock on my door interrupts my thoughts. Three raps, pause, then two more. Garrick.

I don’t move. I’m in no state to talk to anyone right now.

“Xaden, open the fucking door,” he says quietly.

“Fuck off,” I shoot back, sending shadows underneath the crack in a menacingly slow motion towards where he stands.

“Seen that little trick before, brother.” He’s not buying it. I roll my eyes, and send my shadows wrapping upwards towards the handle, moulding into the shape of the lock and twisting with a click.

Garrick comes in and closes the door behind him softly, leaning his head back against it and crossing his arms. The room is pitch black, the moonlight through the window long since smothered out by shadows. Just because he’s here, doesn’t mean I have to talk.

“You going to tell me what’s crawled up your ass tonight?” Garrick says into the darkness. My only response is the quiet swoosh of the dagger in the air.

“Ok, why don’t I start if you’re not going to talk.”  The bed shifts as he sits down on the far end. “You’re scared shitless that your life is now bound up with Sorrengail, who quite frankly is statistically one of the most likely riders to die at this point. You’re terrified that even if she lives, all the plans we’ve made for next year will fall apart, with her glued to your side.” I don’t answer. “And you’re probably pissed that she bonded the biggest, scariest dragon and not you.”

I can’t help myself; I laugh. Garrick chuckles in response.

“Seriously, brother,” he says. “We will figure this out.”

It’s suddenly so important to me that he knows. This has gone far beyond loyalties and secrets; I am a liability that they shouldn’t trust with their lives.

“I saw her bond Tairn.” I admit into the darkness. When he doesn’t say anything, I continue, “I was there. In the Threshing field.” It’s not just against the rules, it’s completely nonsensical. I had absolutely no business being there, no reason to intervene. If Command knew… shit, I’m thinking that a lot recently.