fourth wing xadens pov

chapter 23

Chapter 23: For You

I spend all of February with Violet consuming almost every thought. Violet in the sparring hall. Teaching Violet to lower and raise her shields until it’s as natural as breathing. Violet under me on the mat, staring up at me with burning eyes.

And when I’m not physically with her, I’m thinking about her. Is she getting stronger? How many times did she fall today? When is her signet going to finally make an appearance?

I ask Liam how she is. I lose it at Imogen on several separate occasions when Violet still can’t keep her seat on Tairn, determined she’s not doing enough in the weights room to help her. It’s only Garrick’s gentle squeeze on her arm that stops Imogen from refusing to train her at all.

It’s such a stark contrast from the distance I promised us after that stupid night outside the citadel. She’s different with me now too, like she’s finally decided that maybe she doesn’t have to hate me anymore. Every time she mentions the kiss, I change the topic. Every time, she shifts her hips under me on the mat, I move.

I can’t tell if she wants me, or if she’s just enjoying playing with me now that she is confident I am not going to kill her.

The need to know what she’s doing, to be the one she’s doing it with, is near-overwhelming. And it’s only at night, when I’m replaying whatever moment I snatched with her that day, that I hear the tiniest little voice in my head reminding me to keep something between us. That however hard she pushes, this needs to stay professional. I’m just doing whatever it takes to keep her alive.

It’s March now and there is at least a foot of snow on the ground, which the unbonded cadets have been shovelling to the side all morning to clear. Grey slush lines the walls of the courtyard and nearly every rider in formation has their arms folded across their chest, trying to cling onto any bit of body heat they can muster.

Violet looks particularly beautiful this morning, her cheeks flushed pink in the cold. The second formation breaks, I stride straight towards her. Riders are moving in a hundred different directions between us, but each of them moves aside as I walk in a beeline for her. Her back is to me, but Aetos is talking to her, an unreadable expression on his face.

“She’s going to miss Carr’s class today,” I interrupt their conversation while I’m still several paces away.

“No, I’m not,” she argues, shaking her head before she’s even turned to look at me.

“She needs to go,” Aetos snaps, but then realises who he’s talking to. “I mean, unless the wing has more pressing matters for Cadet Sorrengail, her time is best spent developing her wielding skills.” Just the way he speaks gets on my nerves.

“I think we both know she’s not going to manifest a signet in that room,” I glare at Aetos, wishing he would find someplace else to be. “She would have already if that was the key. And yes, the wing has more pressing matters for her.”

“Sir, I’m just not comfortable with her going a day without at least practicing her wielding, and as her squad leader-“

I’m her fucking wingleader, Aetos, I want to scream at him. What part of chain of command don’t you understand.

“For Dunne’s sake,” I sigh, pulling out a pocket watch and hold it out on my palm. “Pick it up, Sorrengail.”

Violet glances between us and tentatively raises her right hand. It takes her a few seconds, but then I feel a tingle and spark in my hand as the watch rises fractionally.