fourth wing xadens pov

chapter 33

Chapter 33 Early

I spend every minute of the eleven-hour flight wondering how it’s even possible to start the conversation. I run lines over and over in my head, each one sounding more ridiculous than the last and a growing ball of anxiety in my stomach makes me feel increasingly nauseous. As the riot passes through the pinching pull-and-snap of the wards, Sgaeyl lets out a long, exasperated exhale. I must be driving her fucking crazy.

“That would be an understatement, Wingleader,” she seethes.

We start to descend into our usual meeting spot just outside of Athebyne for the dragons to drink deeply from the freshwater lake. It’s strange to look over and see Violet on Tairn’s back in a place I have done everything to keep secret from her. It feels like two parts of myself melding into one.

Once every dragon has landed and their riders are on the ground, I call out, “We’re twenty minutes out from Atheybyne, so hydrate! We have no idea what kind of scenario is waiting for us.”

Garrick strolls over, squatting on the ground to open his pack. He wordlessly passes me a canteen of water, before drinking deeply from his own.

I unscrew the lid and arch a brow at him. He wipes the water from his lips with his forearm and grins at me. “I figured you had more important things on your mind than packing food and water.”

I scoff. “Thank you, brother.” I tip my head back to drink, then pass the canteen back to him.

Garrick puts his arm on my shoulder, guiding me so that our backs are turned away from the rest of the group. “Did you tell her?” he asks, his voice low.

My stomach twists. I shake my head.

“Xaden –” he starts.

“I’m going to,” I interrupt, before he can tell me what a huge fucking mistake I’ve made. I am well aware that I have already missed my moment. “I just… I’m struggling to find the words.”

He nods. “I get it. And I know this must be a million times harder for you after everything that happened with you dad but –”

I tense. “What?”

His brows furrow. “Your dad,” he repeats. “You saw what happened when he tried to tell the others, the lengths they would go to avoid the truth.” He shakes his head, like he’s trying to clear the memory. “But that’s not what this is.”

I frown at him. “I just don’t want her caught up in this, Garrick.”

“She’s already here.” He shrugs. “We’ll keep her safe for you.”

I glance over at Violet, but she’s already staring right at us. Our eyes lock, and the heat in her gaze is nothing compared to the crackling fire that catches and sparks through our bond.

After nearly a full day of flying and ahead of five days of what will surely be some of the most brutal aerial fighting, this woman still finds the energy to stare at me like that. Gods, I don’t deserve her.

I turn back to Garrick, but say to Violet through the bond, “Keep looking at me like that and we’ll be stopped for longer than half an hour.”