They don't see,
Behind the mask I wear
The cracks, the blood, the bruises,
The fear of never being enough.
They don't hear,
The silent screams at night
The words that cut deeper than knife,
The lies I tell myself to survive.
Everything means nothing.
It's called worthless.
I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. It's exhausting. Every day, pretending that nothing hurts, pretending that I don't care. I've become an expert at hiding, but sometimes I wonder if they'd even notice if I just disappeared altogether.
No one sees me.
No one ever sees me.
The inside doesn't hurt as much as they used to. I suppose I can get used to anything, really. You can get used to people treating you like invisible, just like you can get used to the love from them throwing it to you when you was so pathetic. I've learned to expect it. Learned to pretend it doesn't hurt.
But the worst part isn't the brokenhearted. The worst part is the silence afterward, when everyone acts like it didn't happen. Like I didn't just disappear for hours or come back with a split lip. The worst part is looking at people, family, my lover, even fucking friends, and knowing they don't really see me. They see what they want to see.
It's exhausting. Pretending, I mean. Some days, I don't know if I have it in me to keep doing it.
I want to show them my vulnerable, weakness, broken, sadness.... the inside of me. Please help me fixing! You are the reason. Why I have to feel this way. It's so hurt. It's really painful.
I don't like myself right now. I'm so toxic. I'm so negative. I hate myself for being dirty. The darkness surrounding and swallowing every part of me. I'm desperated.
BẠN ĐANG ĐỌC
Trầm Cảm (Depression)
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