Mercy (Zuko)

Chapter Twelve: The Secrets of a Master

Several days have gone by since the incident at the palace square. Despite Talo's reassurances, I refused to see my mother since the night before, but truthfully I don't think I can bear to even if I say I will. My father is dead, but I'll always have fond memories of him to look back on; I'm scared that I'll only ever remember Mama as she is now — broken and lost. I know it's the wrong thing to do, but I'm not confident I'll be able to handle it.

So, I've been staying with the Avatar and his friends. Aang and Katara held true to what they told Pakku and won't teach me. Aang explained that he tried to teach Katara before, but Pakku caught them and turned Aang away as a student. I understand that he and Katara can't risk teaching me — the Avatar needs to learn waterbending from a master. Instead, I teach myself, just like I told Pakku I would. During the day I study the lessons he gives and then in the evening I try to recreate them.

It doesn't always work out — in fact it almost always fails, but I won't give up. I don't know how I held my own for so long against Talo; something about my emotions running high and my instincts kicking in seemed to give me a fighting chance against him, but now that I'm trying to learn actual moves, I can't quite grasp it. But I'll make due.

Today though, there is no training. The palace square is empty when I arrive, and without anything better to do I figure I'll meander through the tribe.

My wanderings lead me to the healing huts, and as I'm about to turn back, I see my mother and Talo exit the main hut run by the head healer, Yugoda.

Not quite ready to face them, I duck behind a buffalo yak hide that was left out to tan in the sun.

"I'm sorry, Talo," Yugoda murmurs. "I just don't think I can help her anymore."

Peeking through the ropes, I see Talo bite his lip as he watches Mama sway in place and mutter something under her breath. Her eyes are unfocused, staring at nothing, and she pinches at the skin on her fingers.

"I can only heal physical wounds," Yugoda tells him softly. "We've been trying for years, but I just can't do anything... Naraq and Kohina's deaths devastated her..."

"Kohina's not dead," Talo mutters sadly as his tired gaze sweeps over our mother.

Guilt slams into me at his defeated expression. He was left to take care of our mother while I was gone, but now that I'm back all I really showed him was a short temper and cold avoidance.

Talo and the healer stand in silence while they watch Mama. Her sight finally clears and she smiles at Talo, who gives her one back, but it doesn't last for long as her gaze drifts away to the snowy landscape again.

"Do you think..." I hear him whisper. "Do you think I'll be like her one day?"

Yugoda frowns at him. "No," she insists softly. "Ukida was — is a strong woman. She is an amazing healer, but everyone has their weaknesses. Hers is her family, and she lost too many people at once. It was too much to bear."

"Yeah," Talo murmurs back after swallowing thickly.

Yugoda's eyebrows crease, as if sensing his train of thought. "I'm not saying to not let people in, Talo... You need the support of your family—"

"If I want to be even half the man my father was, all I need is clarity," Talo interrupts her. "And I don't want to take that risk of losing it."

Yugoda shakes her head, reaching out to grab Talo's arm as he starts to leave. "You know that you're being unreasonable," she says.

"What else am I supposed to do?" Talo argues, his voice raising. When Mama frowns and begins to look agitated, he makes an effort to speak quieter. "She's gone. And now I think Kohina—" He cuts himself off to regain some lost composure. "She won't stop talking about some attack. She's paranoid, and she's so different from how she used to be."