If only...

part 4 the past

I wake up in my child hood room my mom waking me but 12 year old me up my birthdays tmrw or was mom starts yelling at me telling me I'm fat and should work out my dad says in good for nothing
my mom throws saled at me  god I hate this

it's only been 5 minute's I feel tortured it's my 13th birthday my mom walks up to me and puts a gun in my hand and has another in her she forces me to point the gun at my head next think I know my mom shoots herself her last words "if you don't fucking follows after me bitch I swear I will fucking shove your face into a fucking toilet and fucking shove paper up your ass you dumb fucking slut! "

a lot to remember I know I wish I didn't once my mom dropped to the ground the gun fell from my hand my mom shot my baby sister 10 minutes before she shot herself mom mom made me watch 2 weeks later my dad died of cancer that's what I was told at least I don't believe it my dad had something to do with the Russian mafia my dad was a member turns out he told my mom and the mafia killed him

1 year later I'm 14 I see myself again WHEN WILL THIS END I starts screaming seeing all the torture and pain I went through when I was younger PLEASE MAKE IT STOP I see myself on my bed crying I found all the letters my mom left me for when she died she left me 10 bucks and 50 letters all the letters said were wish you died I hate you your a fucking slut your hoe bitch etc etc

now I'm 15 great
my grandma after you adopted me sent me to an orphanage 10 weeks later I "accidentally" burnt the orphanage down
I tried calling my grandma turns out she died of old age 1 month after she left me at the orphanage
during Christmas that year I got a oresnt from my grandpa it was 2 pennies then my grandpa killed himself 15 was the year I lost all my family the year I had no family the only family I still have to this day is my big sister I know she moved to the US to escape russia

16 best year of my life
I visited my sister in America
turns out she got pregnant and had a kid her kids currently 3 16 was also the year I met Jaylen Mason Luka and Vik Jaylen ran up to me on the street and said I looked hot Mason was so embarrassed turned out they have known each other since like birth or some shit
Jaylen 1 week later made me meet viktoria and Luka at a club Vik becane  my best friend shortly after same with luka

17 the year I don't care about.

18 here I am in this hellhole kidnapped by the mafia ON MY BIRTHDAY UGHHHHH