If only...

part 32 No Goodbye?

TW MENTIONS OF SUICIDE

"Hey afanas" I said in a questionable voice "yeah" "where's Mason you never told me what happened" I asked and afanas looked at me like he had a look on his face "Calla can we talk about this later with everyone else" he asked me and I nodded I was confused why was he holding this back so much

I went to go talk to viktoria but found her with Luka in the nurse and Anastasia watching over them so I went to see Jaylen but she was asleep so I just decided to go back to sleep

later I heard afanas wake me up "time to explain" he said then brought me to a room with a table like we were having a family conversation viktoria Anastasia Jaylen and Luka Luka could leave the nurse as of yesterday but didn't want to

"what's going on" I asked "Mason killed himself" afanas said I could see Jaylen start to cry immediately "what" Luka said "Why would he do that" viktoria asked she seemed uneasy "because in his suicide note I'll just read the while thing

As of 4 days ago the love of my life Jaylen went missing she was kidnapped and has not been found my best friend calla left with her after 4 days of being lonely after 4 days of not seeing her smile I have felt broken to the point I can not wait another day another hour another minute in this sorrow

I spent most of my life with Jaylen and I just want her to know I love her

I know this is probably me being dramatic but after years of being suicidal losing Jaylen was my last straw being kidnapped by the mafia was one of the worst things to happen to me but it brought my closer to realizing I don't deserve Jaylen she deserves a good life and I can't give that to her so even if she comes back I cannot be the man I feel she needs

            -Mason"

I heard Jaylen break down into tears and I saw viktoria hold them in I saw Anastasia look blank Anastasia met Mason twice same with viktoria Luka and Jaylen and Anastasia wasn't the person to get emotional most the time so she just looked blank

I saw Luka hug viktoria and also hug Anastasia I hugged Jaylen  knowing if I couldn't be there for her no matter what happened between us she would take her own life as well I hugged her tightly no matter how hard I wanted to break down as well with knowing viktoria and Luka they knew Mason forever they would end up breaking as well Anastasia didn't know Luka or viktoria or Jaylen like I did so I had to be strong do they could mourn Mason I couldn't cry right here or right now

"hey Jaylen it's okay you know Mason he wouldn't want you to feel this way he hated seeing you sad" Luka said he really was bad at comforting people I mean besides me and Viktoria "how am I supposed to deal with this cal he's my best friend" Jaylen speaks and I hug her tighter "Jaylen I understand this is hard for you but you can't do this to yourself" viktoria speaks

I guess this is goodbye goodbye to the end of his godamn amazing miserable fucking phsyco life fall slow Mason little devil

"Mason hated interaction he hated being around others but one things for sure us he loved being around Jaylen I remember the first time I met them Mason acted like he didn't know her Jaylen ran up to me and called me pretty or something on the line of that Mason just acted like a stranger but once you got to know him he was a sweet person he was also crazy one time he ran into a church and yelled fuck Jesus just for the fun of it I remember I was passing by an orphanage and Mason had a speaker we decided that well the nights not ever let's do something stupid so we did we played Dear Mama by Tupac in the orphanage for 2 hours straight and then we decided to get drunk

Mason never was the one to cry he cried over very deep things but deep down he was struggling I guess he just felt with it through fucking with others one time I talked to his mom and I found out Mason had clinical depression and he had been taking anti-depression pills him and Jaylen lived together so I guess the stress became to much for him and he" I started to stutter the last words as I spoke "that night after 5 days of me and Jaylen being missing" I took a deep breath trying not to cry I had to be the strong one here especially because I was talking in front of masons dad and mom sisters brothers aunts cousins uncles fuck like half or more of his family "and he killed himself" I walked off the stage thing and Jaylen walked up there next I knew this wouldn't be long before she started crying a river "I met Mason when I was in elementary I knew him for years and he was my best friend and I feel like I can't live with out him by my side knowing he won't wake up yelling at me cause I'm a deep sleeper he won't be there to correct me when I'm wrong he won't be there to be bitchy with me because now I have to go back to being 7 and learn how to live life without him by my side" Jaylen got off in tears

I felt bad for her Jaylen would always tell my stories about how they acted as kids they knew each other that long it made me upset but one thing Mason asked me that I will live up to till they day I die is

𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘢 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘑𝘢𝘺𝘭𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢 𝘸𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘶𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘪𝘧 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦

if only I knew what you were going through truly Goodbye Mason