that was who i used to be. i'm never going to be her ever again, i've promised myself. but not because anything bad happened, but because of how bad i was. even to this day i slightly repulse myself, although i do pray, i pray for solace and forgiveness i pray that God can forgive me my trespasses as i begin to forgive those who trespass against me. just sometimes it gets too much and i go back to stage one and ask myself over and over again how i could've been that way. it was a choice to be how mean I was, no matter what age, i knew better and i chose to be cruel because i needed to fit in, i needed to have friends and be accepted even if it meant hurting other peers, for my own selfish and disgusting purposes. i taunted kids I looked down on for basically no reason, i faulted and judged other kids because of the advantages they had and i didn't, i bragged about how petty and arrogant they were to my "friends" when i didn't even really understand the definition of those mean words when i was using them. i just wanted to impress my "friends" because i wanted them to see that i was just like them, that i could fit in with them. what im beginning to be grateful for though, is that i really do have decisions i can control, i have the ability to get into the mindset that i was wrong and i can't go back. but when will i learn? how fast will it take? can you learn to have that type of patience?
here is to hoping.
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im not that girl but life isn't merciful, i want to be myself but how can i?
Aléatoirei like sunflowers- but where i live there is only weeds that remind me of withering things. i like nature- but I cannot leave this place of mine even if it killed me. i like to run- but i am afraid that people will judge me if i do go out. i like to...
