i like sunflowers- but where i live there is only weeds that remind me of withering things. i like nature- but I cannot leave this place of mine even if it killed me. i like to run- but i am afraid that people will judge me if i do go out. i like to read- but when i do it only enhances the fact that i am so pathetic i cannot really do anything else beside worry myself with meaningless words. i like to smile- but then i see other women advertising how to get rid of my smile lines, the result of what makes me happy, are they really that disgusting? i dress in what I have- but how do i know whether or not it seems as if I tried to hard, or not enough, how will i know if other people look down on me because of what i wear? i judge because of my own insecurities- but i do not want to because the people that i am doing it to, probably did not have anything to do with the what i now look at myself with. i want to stop feeling sorry for myself- but how can i when it is the only thing that distracts me from what is actually going on? ••• maybe i can learn? maybe having hope won't be such a bad thing anymore?
9 parts