Falling For Her (Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction)

Scissors and Regrets

A/N: Things in this chapter are going to be dark. Really dark and depressing. But the next chapter, is going to be crazy happy and joyful. You guys are going to be so shocked with what happens in these next two chapters. I predict about five of six chapters left! We are at a climax in the story. Where every little thing starts getting pieced together. And one of them says what's on their mind.This chapter is really dark. Remember what I said, you all will smile at the end. And if you don't, reread it because you obviously didn't understand. ;) Love you all Xx Ash

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It's a weird thing. But I felt like leaving the hospital was easier than going back in. And not because of Lilly. I really couldn't wait to be by her side again. But, because I know what I'm walking in to.

When I walked out of the hospital to confront Mary Reynolds, I had no clue what I was doing. No clue what I was going to say. No clue what she was going to say. I just, didn't know. I was just going on the idea that I was doing it for Lilly. The adrenaline rush I had helped me get there.

But now, as I stare up at the hospital from the windshield of my car. As I traced the word 'entrance' on the siding of the building with my eyes, my body ached. I had not one ounce of adrenaline left. I had nothing to help my body move and tell myself to walk through those sliding doors.

All I had was this pain, coursing it's way through every muscle and every space in my brain and my heart.

It was dread. I dreaded walking into that hospital. Because I knew that right about now, Lilly's test were being done. And I knew that tests always meant bad news was about to come. I couldn't take it. I couldn't take bad news and I couldn't take that news being about Lilly. I dreaded even the thought of Lilly's face when any more bad news hit her.

I knew what I was walking into and I couldn't do it. I physically and mentally couldn't do it. I just sat there, tracing the letters on the building over and over. Trying to talk myself into moving.

I remember thinking to myself, that this is where it ends. This is where we end. In this brick building. This was the end of the line for Lilly. The last stop on our almost five month journey. It ends here. Here? Out of every place I never got to take Lilly. Out of every place in London, our final destination is here. That thought echoed its way through my mind. And down to my heart. I suddenly realized that was the reason why I hurt so much. Why I couldn't move. Because I didn't want to step into our final stop.

In all of my realization since I told Mary Reynolds off, I could keep that question out of my mind. What am I going to do with out Lilly? How will I get over her? How will I be the same? Is it even possible?

I began to feel as if I was suffocating. That feeling could have come from my thoughts, or just the fact that I had been in my car for so long with the air conditioning off and the sun at its peak.

The feeling made me finally move. I opened the door and got out quickly before I could talk myself to go back in and just turn the air conditioning on.

There air conditioning in Lilly's room. That's where I need to be.

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I stepped off the elevator onto Lilly's floor and immediately met eyes with Jen. She was coming out of Lilly's room. A grimace look on her face. My heart began to beat fast. Like it always did before bad news eventually made it stop all together.

Jen closed Lilly's door softly and made her way to me. I met her halfway.

"How is she? How did the tests go?" I asked both of the question as if they were conjoined. I couldn't ask one without the other.