Falling For Her (Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction)

She Smiled

When people tell stories like this, they tend to leave out parts that they think people wouldn't be interested in hearing. I told you from the start that I wasn't going to tell you every detail. I told you all the things you needed to know, to believe that Lilly and I were something special.

I hope i've done a good job.

The reason why I bring it up, is because we've come to a very important part in the story. The part that people usually might leave out. But not me, this part in the story is the most vivid for me. I still feel like it happened yesterday. I can still see me walking down that hallway. I can still remember every thought I had swimming in my mind.

If you're wondering what part i'm talking about, i'll explain.

It was a few days after Lilly and I had that talk.

Ever since our discussion about, the future, for lack of better words, I felt as if I had a good grip of reality. That's really hard for people to say when they're going through a tough loss. Reality gets as twisted as your heart and your mind, and it's hard to reason with the truth. But Lilly brought me back. She said everything I had to hear.

I was no longer hoping, or expecting. I was just basically waiting. Waiting for the worst to come. Like a beach house facing a tsunami. It was going to be tough. I know it. But I can't predict the future, I can't fast forward, I can't rewind. I can only wait, and take every second in. And try not to let that fear of what is coming, change how I look at Lilly.

Kind of like Jen was doing.

I don't blame Jen for stepping back from Lilly. It's not like she was completely alienating her, I mean it was her job to interact with her. But it was evident that she was keeping more of a distance to save herself more pain than she already will be facing.

Lilly understood Jen's decisions and so did I. Jen's playing the waiting game too. And trust me, I know how it feels.

Lilly had been taking these past few days to be with her mother more. Which is something I think both of them needed. It wasn't like they kicked me out of the room, but sometimes I let them have their time alone. Mary needed just as much time as I did. I couldn't deprive her of her own daughter. So every now and then I'd wander off for a little while to give them their space.

Only for twenty minutes at most. Because if I was gone too long, I'd get too anxious.

That was precisely what I was doing at that moment, giving them time to talk. I was walking back from the cafeteria, after grabbing some coffee. That was usual to me.

Everything was usual to me. I swear it seemed like it was just going to be another normal day. But I guess that's how your worst fears start out. You never see them coming.

I made my way to the place I had spent most of my time when I wasn't with Lilly. The garden of the hospital. It was quiet at that time in the evening, there was usually no one around. I only did it to reminisce. To no one's surprise.

The warm summer air blew and I closed my eyes gently.

It wasn't only the garden and the roses that made me think of various memories with Lilly this summer. It was everything. It was the summer time smell, faint but still present. It was the sky. It was the trees. It was just the season alone. I let each memory play out in my head, and I watched them like a movie. From April to September.

Have you ever remembered a memory so much, that you actually see it in your head? Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's just my obsession with our love, but I could see it all playing out. Like I was standing above us as we strolled through the streets this summer, as we laughed and joked and lived it up.