❄︎

Feeling this way all the time is taking a toll on me
I wish I didn't have to feel this way
wanting it all to be different
trying my best to change it all
but nothing changes
what ever happened to the good feelings?
the good emotions?
I never feel those anymore
honestly, I can't say I've ever really truly felt them
just this constant, consistent pattern of
hate
anger
stress
sadness and all other bad feelings
I'm so tired of it all
I've been tired for so long
never having the energy for anything
or anyone
just tired
tired of having to deal with these things I have been dealing with all of my life
the tight pain in my chest I always speak about?
yeah it's still here
It's always here
mocking me for not being able to figure it out
making it harder for me to breathe the tighter it gets
trying it's hardest to bring me down
feeling like... well, nothing
I feel like nothing
yes I'm this living breathing thing only without actually living
I'm here but only alive
existing in this place I don't understand
feeling things I can't comprehend
wishing I didn't have to feel
wanting so badly to be put out of this constant misery
reminding myself that no one cares
not about me or what I'm feeling
forcing myself to keep it all to myself
I can't express how I feel anyways
who will listen? who will care?
what could they do to help me?
if someone cared enough maybe I wouldn't feel so alone
so hurt
maybe they could even free me
free me from being so stuck or trapped even

__________

I'm glad she survived during this point in life because only the lord knows how stressed she was.

11/12/22
10/22/24