Lacey

28

STEFAN IS GOING to be so mad when he comes home.

I took so many of my pills and nothing happened. i even tried to cause more physical pain to cancel out my brain but it didn't work. i was rummaging through his nightstand when i found some gummy bears. i figured if i was going to be in pain, i might as well have some gummy bears. but he's totally gonna notice i stole his gummy bears.

i only had one gummy bear because they didn't taste very good. it tasted like dirt. i almost spit it out but i didn't want to waste it.

i don't know what magic is in those gummy bears because all the pain is gone. i feel so funny.

i'm so hungry.

i haven't been hungry in so long. i'm usually distracted by everything else to eat but right now i'm hungry.

i could eat a cow, but i don't think it would taste very good. maybe if i cooked the cow.

what am i thinking? we don't have cows in the fridge.

i stumble into the kitchen, the floor feels like i'm surfing. the sight of the silver metal doors make my mouth water before i even open the fridge. somehow, i think maybe i'm a magician, i open the freezer instead of the fridge.

my eyes lock onto the ben and jerry's double chocolate cookie dough twist, and it's like up until this point, i've never known true excitement.

i reach out to grab it but i gasp when my fingers touch it. it's so cold. i can't grab it like this. my fingers will fall off.

but i'm a magician so i could just magic them back on.
umm, maybe i won't test that theory just yet.

my eyes scan the kitchen for something to save my life and they land on oven mitts. they're might as well be a spot light on them and a background track singing hallelujah because i'm in awe. i'm a genius.

I throw on the mitts, grab a spoon, and settle on the couch with the ice cream. I'm giggling like a little kid, but who cares? This is the happiest I've felt in ages.

Next thing I know, the tub's empty. I'm staring at the bottom, confused. "Where'd all my ice cream go?" I grumble, scraping at the last bit with the spoon. Stupid oven mitts are too clunky. I toss the tub on the coffee table, irritated.

I lean back, scanning the room, my mood flipping. I miss feeling like this. I miss... Killian.

I need to hear his voice. I scramble over to the house phone, a plan forming in my messed-up brain. Stefan and Killian know each other. I laugh to myself and flip through Stefan's address book.

Ian: 462-867-5309

BINGO!

i squeal in excitement and dial the number. no answer. i dial the number again. no answer. i huff. i dial the number a third time and i finally get an answer. "what?"

"Killian!" i squeal, throwing my hand up in the air in celebration.

"speaking."

"hi killer!" i say, trying to sound casual, to play it cool. i'm still a little mad at him i think. i don't remember.

i lean my face onto my hand, but my elbow, which was resting on the phone book, slips and knocks it over. "oopsies" i whisper. that wasn't every cool.

"who's this?" he asks curtly and i can't help but giggle. my rude little man.

but he's not little.

"it's your lacy," my voice slurs, "I miss you. you should come get me." i say with a nod. when i get no response i look down at the phone to see a blank screen.

"we must've gotten disconnected" i say to myself and scoff at stefan's annoying phone system and call back.

call declined.

i frown.

is he still mad at me?

did he hang up because he remembered the last time we talked?

i didn't mean to cry.

My heart sinks as I put the phone back, a heavy lump forming in my throat. I miss him. Why doesn't he want to talk to me? Doesn't he like me anymore?

i'm just finishing up my cleaning when stefan comes home. i wave and he stops in his tracks. he puts down the grocery bags and takes a step closer. an amused expression crosses his features. "hey sweetheart..." he chuckles "what are you doing?"

i tilt my head. isn't it obvious? "i'm cleaning up."

he nods, pursing his lips and grabs my hand "let's go focus on cleaning you up first, okay sweetheart?" he says it almost softly, like i'm a little girl again. it makes me smile. he's not scary like this.

stefan guides me to the bathroom and lifts me onto the counter, grabbing a facecloth and running it under some warm water. while the cloth soaks, he hands he a mirror and laughs. "understand now?"

i giggle. my face is covered in chocolate icecream. "silly girl" Stefan tsks, his voice is so genuine, like he's exited to take care of me. he takes the cloth out of the water and softly wipes my face, looking at me like i'm the cutest thing in the world. he's so gentle that i find myself leaning into his hand. it's the first ounce of comfort i've had in over a month.

i allow myself to close my eyes and relax, sighing out in what feels like content, but it only lasts a few seconds before they're shooting open, wide and panicked again.

His hand clamps down over my mouth and nose, the wet cloth pressing down hard. I gasp, water filling my throat. I choke, clawing at his wrist, but he doesn't let up.

stefan's other hand fists a chunk of my hair and pulls my head back to look at him. he doesn't look gentle anymore. his eyes are wide with what seems like anger and his eyebrows are furrowed. "what kind of spoiled brat are you?"

I shake my head frantically, trying to breathe, but he tightens his grip, suffocating me.

"you know," he starts, spots start to cloud my vision. "i overlooked the other drugs. i overlooked it when you started cutting yourself, but this?" i tap frantically at his wrist, my feet kick his back as hard as they can but they feel like dead weight "stealing MY weed, eating MY food, in MY house? you're a greedy little brat." he spits.

Everything's going dark.

Just when I think I'm done for, he lets go. I collapse, gasping for air, my chest heaving as I cling to him, sobbing.

stefan's demeanour goes back to soft and comforting but i don't even have the energy to process the switch as i holds me to his chest and strokes my hair. "shhh sweetheart, you're okay." he soothes softly, rubbing my back with the other hand. "there you go, just breathe"

i'm so utterly confused that it distracts me from my crying and actually helps me regulate my breathing. when it's back to normal he pulls away again and cups my face in his hand. his thumb rubs my cheekbone back and fourth. "you're such a pretty girl. those eyes, always so innocent, even after everything." he says. i don't even know how to respond. "it's a shame you're disobedient, you know? you used to be so perfect for me." his words are mean but his tone is gentle, like his speaking to a child. "don't you worry, sweetheart, you'll be perfect again soon."

Guys i really like this chapter. no reason why it was just fun to write.