Behind the Shadow - Part 2

Chapter 10: Lingering Doubts

Azriel found himself standing alone in the library, the ancient tomes and scrolls surrounding him like silent sentries to his turmoil. His chest ached with a constant, gnawing guilt that seemed to grow stronger with every passing day. He'd thought he could manage it, had convinced himself that he could keep the two worlds separate—his devotion to Skye and the pull of the bond.

But it was growing harder.

The bond, that unyielding, invisible tether, pulled at him insistently, even when he was supposed to be focusing on the wedding preparations. He'd just returned from another brief visit to the Court of Nightmares, a diplomatic errand with Rhysand. It should have been routine. Instead, it had been anything but.

Azriel's thoughts drifted to the moment he'd locked eyes with his mate. The mere memory of it made his pulse quicken. No matter how fiercely he tried to cling to Skye, the bond dug into his soul like a thorn, leaving him with a bitter taste of guilt that no amount of time or distance seemed able to erase.

Lost in thought, he didn't hear Skye's soft footsteps as she entered the library. She approached him cautiously, her gaze lingering on his distant expression. She had been watching him, sensing something wasn't right, and tonight, she couldn't ignore it any longer.

"Azriel?" Her voice was soft, but he startled, his shadows flickering and receding as he turned to face her.

"Skye." He forced a smile, willing himself to hide the guilt that threatened to betray him. "I didn't hear you come in."

She tilted her head, studying him with a frown. "You've seemed... preoccupied lately," she said, her words measured. "Is something bothering you?"

He hesitated, feeling the weight of the question settling between them. "Just... Night Court matters," he replied, avoiding her gaze. "You know how things can get."

But she wasn't satisfied with his answer. "I know what it's like when you're worried about the court, Azriel. This is different."

He felt a jolt of fear, but he tried to keep his expression neutral. "Different? What do you mean?"

"You've been... distant." Her voice was tinged with worry, her eyes searching his face as if trying to peel back the layers he'd so carefully constructed. "Ever since you came back from that mission in the Court of Nightmares, you've been... off."

The mention of that place made his chest tighten. He tried to brush it off, to pull her close and soothe her worries with soft words, but she took a step back, crossing her arms as if to shield herself.

"Azriel," she pressed, her gaze unwavering, "if there's something you need to tell me, now is the time."

He felt the words pressing against his throat, begging to be let out, but he held them back, afraid of the hurt they would cause, afraid of what admitting the truth would mean for them.

"There's nothing to tell, Skye," he said, his voice steady but hollow. "I'm here with you, aren't I? We're planning our future together."

She held his gaze, her expression a mix of hope and desperation. "Are you?" she whispered. "Because sometimes, I feel like you're somewhere else entirely."

He reached for her hand, holding it tightly between his own, but he could feel her pulling away, emotionally if not physically. "Skye, I love you. I want this—I want us."

For a moment, she looked as though she might believe him. She sighed, her shoulders relaxing slightly, but her eyes were still clouded with doubt. "Azriel, if there's something going on, you don't have to hide it from me. I want to help you."

He swallowed, squeezing her hand. "There's nothing you need to worry about. Everything is fine. We're fine."

She studied him, a flicker of uncertainty in her gaze. "Then why do I feel like you're hiding something from me?"

He forced a smile, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to her forehead. "You're overthinking things," he murmured, hoping to soothe her doubts. "Let's focus on our future, Skye. We've got a wedding to plan, remember?"

She nodded, but the unease lingered in her eyes. She allowed him to pull her close, resting her head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair, his heart aching as he held her. He wished he could be the man she believed him to be, the man she deserved. But as he stood there, cradling her in his arms, he felt the weight of his secret pressing down on him, an inescapable reminder of the deception he carried.

Later that night, as they lay in bed, Azriel found himself staring at the ceiling, sleep eluding him. Skye was curled against him, her breathing soft and steady. He reached out, gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, his heart twisting painfully. She looked so peaceful, so trusting, and he hated himself for the darkness he was bringing into their lives.

And yet, even as he lay there, his thoughts drifted once more to the female in the Court of Nightmares, the one who haunted his dreams, the one whose presence left him feeling torn apart. He had chosen Skye, had promised himself to her, but the bond pulled at him, an unrelenting reminder of the life he had left unfulfilled.

As dawn approached, he slipped out of bed, needing the solace of the shadows that had always been his constant companions. He moved silently through the halls, his mind racing as he tried to find a way to reconcile the choices he'd made. He loved Skye, of that he was certain. But the bond... the bond was a force beyond his control, a reminder that fate had other plans for him, whether he was ready to accept them or not.

Over the next few days, Azriel tried to shake the lingering sense of unease, throwing himself into wedding preparations with Skye. He smiled, he laughed, he held her close, determined to make her feel loved, to assure her that he was committed to their future together. But despite his efforts, the doubts lingered, lurking in the corners of his mind, casting shadows over their time together.

Skye noticed his struggles, her own suspicions growing with each passing day. She tried to draw him out, to connect with him the way they once had, but he kept his guard up, retreating behind the walls he had spent a lifetime building. He could see the hurt in her eyes, could feel the distance growing between them, and it terrified him.

One evening, as they sat together in the quiet of their chambers, Skye reached for his hand, her touch gentle but firm. "Azriel, I need you to be honest with me," she said, her voice steady but laced with vulnerability. "If there's something holding you back, something you're not telling me... please, let me in."

He looked at her, his heart pounding, the words of confession hovering on the tip of his tongue. But as he stared into her eyes, he saw the love and trust that had sustained him through so many dark nights, and he couldn't bring himself to break her heart.

"There's nothing, Skye," he whispered, forcing a smile. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

She searched his face, a flicker of doubt in her gaze, but she nodded, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. He returned her kiss, holding her tightly, trying to believe that he could make this work, that he could silence the bond and build a life with her. But even as they held each other, he felt the weight of his deception pressing down on him, a reminder that some truths could not be buried, no matter how deeply he tried to hide them.

And as he lay awake that night, watching the shadows dance across the walls, he knew that the path he had chosen was fraught with danger, that his secrets would one day come to light, casting everything he held dear into darkness.