The Idea Of Us (English Version)

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17th of September, 2017

Life is unpredictable.

Death always remains a mystery, shrouded in the enigma of the future. It's as though our very essence hangs in the balance, contingent upon the meticulous care we afford ourselves. Each passing day unfolds like a riddle, casting shadows of uncertainty upon our path. We grapple with the boundless depths of our journey, uncertain of its duration or the moment when the ceaseless motion of the world surrounding us will come to rest

Do you think people will still remember the remnants of our memories with them from the days when we were still alive?

Life is like a candle, we never know when the flame of life, which gives us strength to fight what needs to be fought, defend what needs to be defended, and avoid what needs to be avoided in a world full of criticism, will go out.

—

Sometimes I ask myself what will happen to me in ten years. What will I look like in ten years? Will our lives change? Will the Philippines change? Will anything be different?

"Lights on!"

I snapped back to reality after hearing the voice of my youngest sibling, Naya. It had been a few hours since the entire subdivision lost power.

"The lights are back on. Where's Mom?"

"She borrowed money from Aling Nena!"

"Again?" I asked, eyes wide in disbelief. "How many times have I told Mom not to borrow from Aling Nena? It's like she doesn't understand what kind of woman that old lady is!" I sighed deeply and blew out the single candle sitting on a small stool.

"She said she's out of money," Naya's voice carried a sadness I could feel.

I didn't respond and just headed upstairs. I couldn't bear to look at Naya's face. She was used to a life of comfort—maybe she was slowly coming to terms with the fact that the life we once had wouldn't come back.

As I entered the room, I was immediately greeted by eyeshadow, eyeliner, blush, lip tint, mascara, foundation, and brow pencils. I applied all of it to my face. Maybe putting on makeup had become my coping mechanism whenever sadness overwhelmed me.

Well, it's true what they say: you can mask your emotions, but your face reveals it all.

Unlike Naya, who was slowly accepting that this is who we are now and that there's no going back to what we once had, I wasn't there yet.

When Father died in a car crash, that's when everything fell apart. We were buried in debt, and Mom had no choice but to pawn the last house we had. She wasn't able to redeem it, so it eventually went to the lender.

The only thing my friends know is that even though my father is gone, our business and way of life are still intact, that it did not disappear as we had hoped it would.

—

"We're leaving? Why, Mom?"

It was early in the morning, and that was the first thing I heard as I came down the stairs. Naya was sitting beside Mom, looking confused.

"Mom can't pay for the house anymore, Ate," Naya answered. I glanced at Mom, who was sitting on the couch, her hands covering her face. I could see how exhausted she was.