Our Insecurities

Chapter Four

Chisimdi was starting to lose the battle of thoughts going on in her mind. But she couldn't allow it to spill over just yet. If that happened, she will have to sit back and enjoy the solitude of her now empty corner instead of going out there to have a talk with her current male of interest.

As she eventually made up her mind and started towards the hostel gate, she could feel her heart thumbing furiously against her rib cage, threatening to pump its way out of her body. She cursed as she wiped her sweaty palms on the light blue knee length gown that hugged her melanin features, leaving behind a brown patch.

Great. Now she was going to meet him with a stained cloth. What a good first impression it was going to be.

She hissed at her sarcastic thoughts.

But why the hell was she so worked up by the idea of talking to him one on one? It isn't like it was going to last now that he showed interest. It didn't help slow down the colour that rushed to her cheeks as the thought of standing with him resonated though. If she was as bright skinned as Abigail, her cheeks would be pink by now.

As she stepped out of the gate, she was greeted by the sight of Liam leaning on the wall. Only one of his legs carried his weight while the other pushed back against the wall. He looked engrossed in whatever he was doing on the school phone.

Chisimdi took some time to properly drink in his appearance today. As usual, his daywear was well ironed, not a button out of place. His afro-styled black hair was well combed. Unlike the Ss3 females that were allowed to add only black artificials to their hair, the males were not giving that kind of privilege.

She absentmindedly ran a hand through her hair, berating herself for a while there on why she hadn't listened to her mum and made the short knotless braids that she had practically begged her to. According to her siblings, she always looked better on braids and not her natural hair. Maybe that would have made her look good enough to bribe fate to let this one last long.

"Don't you ever get tired of those? Aren't they painful at times?" Chisimdi asked, referring to his white Gucci sneakers, her measly attempt for small talk.

Liam clicked on the screen one last time before diverting his attention to her. He allowed a little smile touch his lips at her presence.

"I'm used to it I guess."

Chisimdi almost chuckled but held back as she returned her demeanor to its emotionless state. "So, you wanted to see me?" she asked instead, trying not to look away from those honey-brown eyes. Those long lashes would be the death of her.

Liam shrugged. "Yeah. Can we find somewhere to talk? One of the classrooms maybe?"

"Or we could just talk while walking," she suggested.

Liam smirked at that."Avoiding someone?" His mind did a quick search to determine who it could possibly be. Israel came to mind first. From what everyone knew, she owed the senior prefect one.

"Just avoiding unnecessary conversations. But somehow, I think you already know that. What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"Come with me to the social night this Friday." Liam figured he could as well get it out. Trying to persuade her to sit somewhere with him was absolutely impossible.

Chisimdi stared at him incredulously. She must have misheard him, she decided. "And your girlfriend?" she questioned when it became obvious he was waiting for her answer.

"Too busy. I'm pretty sure I won't get to spend time with her that particular night," he replied, nonchalant. Chisimdi couldn't stop the smile from forming now. Here was Liam asking her to the social night. She had daydreamed of this particular situation for weeks on end.

"I'm not going with someone's boyfriend," she decided. That was accompanied with a shake of her head. She shuddered a little at what would possibly be Jemimah's reaction if she found out. The deputy senior prefect already had it out for her for a reason unknown to her yet.

"Not as a date, as a friend," Liam countered with a shrug.

"Okay." Her agreement was reluctant but she did it anyway. She would try to elongate this as much as possible. "Can I leave now?"

His response never came as cracking sounds blared from the speakers nearby. They both let their eyes travel to the nearest one just outside the school dining hall. The principal had them installed at strategic points in the school when she figured going from class to class to call for students wasn't an easy fit.

"The following students should see me at my office immediately. Abigail Kumuyi, Faye Olatunde, Jemimah Chukwurah, Israel Abugu and Chisimdi Felix. And when I say immediately, I mean immediately." The speakers abruptly went dead. Anyone who wasn't paying undivided attention would have mistaken the short and direct message for a hallucination.

"Now I feel left out," Liam's voice came from beside Chisimdi reminding her drifting mind of his presence.

"You shouldn't be. A trip to Mrs. Dike's office announced through that gigantic metal box is never a good one," she said, appearing thoughtful. "I will see you on Friday then."

"Sure. See ya. Don't bail out on me. It's in two days time," Liam called after her with the widest smile he could muster. She barely waited for him to finish before walking away.

Liam Michaels just asked her to the social night. Really? Was it real? She almost did a happy dance in her head. But the thought that it wouldn't last immediately demoralized her.

The whole cycle had started two years ago. She would have a crush on a boy, nurse the said crush and immediately lost every damn feeling whenever the boy took an interest.

Two years ago, the euphoria of the Js3 long vacation had been abruptly caught off in the middle of August when her second brother, Merit brought a guest home. Before then, she had nursed a huge crush on the Chris. And like every teenage girl who has a crush on her elder brother's friend, she told no one, but Chris had noticed.

That night, Chisimdi had woken to a hand pressing her still budding boobs. She had screamed out her lungs which had all her family rushing into her bedroom with one improvised weapon or another. The fear in her eyes had turned to outright horror when her eldest brother, Zenith switched on the light and they saw Chris' other hand nestled over his dick protectively.

After one year of intense therapy, she completely gave up the idea that she would one day look at the opposite gender the normal way again. The therapy had helped quite alright as she didn't feel threatened by the males in her family.

As she took the stairs of the administrative building leading up to the principal's office, her thoughts of the incident were immediately packed up and stowed away. That was an attitude she had developed. She imagined her mind filled with boxes, each box contained a memory. The bad memories were packed, sealed tight and kept at the farthest corner of her mind where she rarely wandered to, only to be opened when she was ready. The boxes that carried the good memories were left open and kept at the forefront of her mind, to feast on them anytime at all.

But right now, it wasn't time for any of those memories. Her mind instead drifted to the announcement earlier. Why would Mrs. Dike want to see her? The other four students, she could understand why their presence has been required. After what went down yesterday morning, the senior prefects and social prefects had a lot to answer to. But how was she, the communication prefect, involved in all this?

Chisimdi slowly took the stairs up to the fourth floor, refusing to give her mind a rest. She knew she was a model student, but had she unknowingly broken one of the many school rules and regulations? Could someone have reported her wrongly? Was it a case of mistaken identity? She chuckled to herself at that. She had watched too many movies during the holidays apparently.

No matter how hard she thought, she just couldn't come up with any tangible reason. There was only one way to find out. She took a deep shaky breath before twisting the doorknob.

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