Redemption

Talks

Xaden's Pov
"I'm worried about Aifos."
Violet and I were on my bed, and the night sky had already seen itself streaked with lightning twice; later on, she put her cheek on my chest, and my fingertips started trailing the lines of her black and golden relic.
When I'd been in Samara, every time the sun fell I wondered if the golden silhouette across her skin would remain so, or if it would follow the change of the represented dragon.
Now, the gold flickered under the silvery starlight pouring through the window at our left, and Violet had never looked more ethereal with her pale skin and hazel eyes.
Sometimes, I couldn't believe she was actually in love with me.
Perhaps it was the satisfaction of our well-fed passion; perhaps it was the easiness of my breathing; perhaps it was my way of apologising to her for every secret I had ever kept and those I was still.
Perhaps it was all of them, together, that brought me to whisper this confession.
"What do you mean?"
"I just... I don't know. Garrick said they're slacking on their patrolling, and it's..."
My voice trailed off as I remembered the easiness with which their nails scratched at their wrists back in Cordyn, the way they stared at those signs with complete detachment, as if it was nothing unusual.
As if it was something predictable.
There was a rumour of a rider who had fainted in the middle of a hallway.
"I fear they may self-harm."
I lowered my gaze to her, and she remained silent for some seconds, "You sure?"
"I'm afraid I do."
"Why?"
"They said they had some issues with their parents." I sighed and slowly shook my head, "It would be a pity if they did, they're a great asset."
"Xaden."
Her eyes were hard, and she moved away from me so that she could look down at me. My hand tightened around her waist.
"Cut out the shit."
"I'm sorry?"
"Cut out the shit. They aren't just an asset for you."
I thinned my lips, "What are you talking about?"
Exasperation flickered in her eyes, and her voice was that of a mother explaining where the sun went at night, or something alongside it.
"Because you wouldn't be worrying about them if they were only a rider for you."
I closed my eyes and let my head fall back on the cushion.
"Sometimes I hate how easily you can read me, Violence."
"I know."
We fell quiet for a while, and she went back with her cheek on my chest; I was playing with a strand of her silver hair when I spoke up again, "You're right, though. They may not be just an asset for me. It's just that... I don't quite know what to do."
I looked away from her, focusing on the ceiling instead.
"It's that... Last year, enemies wanted you dead, and it was easy for me to know what to do. But now... I don't see any enemies apart from themselves."
"Something similar happened to me last year, if you remember. But you were the only one walking beside me, and not in front of me; you were the only one who trusted me to hold my own when everyone else didn't, including me. I am who I am thanks to you, too."
I tipped my head and kissed her, but my eyes were still troubled.
"They bleed, Violence. They make themselves bleed. I don't know how to help them. They are a skilled dragon-rider, but..."
But what if their mind was split right in the middle, and the fact that they were bonded wasn't enough? What if being a strong dragon rider didn't necessarily mean being a strong person?
What if I couldn't help them?
"Perhaps you can simply... Talk to them. Be with them. They'll appreciate your presence."
"I don't even know where they are!"
"Then just wait for them to be ready to come to you." Her voice softened up, "You don't have to bear the responsibility for everyone. You're already doing so much, Xaden, they can sort themselves out without you being their saviour."
"But..."
"You can be there for them without saving them. You don't have to pull them up yourself. They are a dragon rider, they can do so on their own. Trust me just as you trusted me last year, and they won't disappoint you."
For some reason, I feared they would give me a greater pain than mere disappointment.

"My love isn't fickle."
Her love wasn't fickle.
Her love wasn't fickle!
All throughout the flight back, I kept chanting those four words until they turned my own personal Codex, until they marked my heart.
I wouldn't lose her.
She'd chosen, she'd promised that she would stay by me despite this secret, despite all the secrets.
For the first time in years, ever since the loss of my family and the boy I used to be, I almost felt weightless. As light as a feather.
My feet hit the gravel when I slid off Sgaeyl's wing, and the cacophony of riders partying wasn't excessively annoying. Some of them were singing horribly, others were cheering the friends who were challenging one another to drink beer as fast as possible, or were making up dances on the spot or were laughing at them; sometimes, all these at once.
A hand met my shoulder, and my cousin yelled, "Time to party!"
"Yeah!" Exclaimed Imogen, right by his side, "Perhaps we can fucking survive until tomorrow."
"Here, drink this!"
Garrick shoved a mug of beer in my hands, and grinned at me, "We're lucky Violet loves you, or we'd be already dead!"
I regarded him with mocking confusion, "Are you drunk?"
"Of course he is," sighed Imogen, "What else?"
"Oh, I don't know. Thought he was on his deathbed, all nice and sappy."
"And you're always funny."
I shrugged, and sipped my mug. I wasn't necessarily obsessed with beer, but it would have to do for now.
"Have any of you seen Aifos?"
"No," said Imogen, "Why? You lost your pet?"
"I have!" Yelled one of Violet's squadmates, perhaps the ice-wielder.
"Well, where is he now?"
"Uh..." He exchanged a glance with the other blonde boy, then said with a squeaky voice, "I don't know? I lost sight of them, please don't kill me!"
"I saw their dragon somewhere," filled in Bodhi, "The odd-looking one. Perhaps they're there."
"Why are you looking for them?" Asked Imogen, and Garrick nodded, as if telling me he'd been wondering the same.
"Because they're quieter than you lot," I huffed, then turned around and walked off.
I expanded my mind and did my best to block away the other rider's thoughts and focus on softer ones.
Aifos was quick to feel my touch.
-Yes?-
-Where are you?-
They sent me their position, and it wasn't that far from where I stood.
Ronny was curled around them, and at first glance he seemed to be asleep; but his eyes cracked open at my approach, and I immediately stopped walking.
Aifos was sitting against his foreleg, their knees tucked in their chest and their arms wrapped around them. Their hair covered up their eyes, and I wondered how they could see at all.
Perhaps I should advise them to cut them off, especially since we were supposed to be fighting a war against our forgotten but very much alive nemesis.
I wouldn't want them missing their targets because of their fucking hair.
"Hi."
I nodded at them.
"I see your mind has improved."
"I know."
I cleared my throat and let my eyes wander on their dragon; the brown of his scales was slightly lighter than Aifos' complexion, and his spikes were larger and even sharper than any swords. Suddenly, I realised why he didn't need any swords or daggers or such-like attached to his tail.
"I told Violet today."
"About what?"
I noticed how they took a couple of seconds to talk to me, as if their throat had to work and force the words out.
-About my second signet.-
Surprise flashed across their features, then they quickly smoothed it out.
"And?"
"And she said her love isn't fickle." A smile curved my lips, "She still loves me."
"I was sure she would've."
"Yes. But Tairn grew angry, and now he's fighting with Sgaeyl."
"That's understandable, if I may. He's always been protective of Violet."
"Yes, I know."
"They'll sort it out. Besides, Sgaeyl will hold her ground for you."
"Of course! She's my ruthless girl."
They smiled slowly, then closed their eyes, but I didn't want them to fall silent just yet.
"Not a fan of parties, are you?"
"No. Too much... Noise."
"Yes, me too. I remember last year I was sitting on the Parapet to avoid Reunification Day and all the king's lickspittles and Violet reached me with a dress and barefoot. I was so fucking scared I swore I would fall off myself."
And I'd realised just how deeply my love ran for her.
They chuckled softly, then waved at the floor, "You can sit down, y'know."
I did, and leaned back on my elbows. The light coat of snow in the courtyard bit my palms, but I didn't move.
"Violet is most probably one of the smartest women I've ever met," said Aifos, "The wards are raised only thanks to her."
I smiled like a fool in love at the sound of her name, "Yes. Yes, she is, and I'm lucky to be loved by her."
We fell quiet again, and their dragon rustled his wings and adjusted his position.
"He's formidable, you know."
"Who? Ronny?"
"Yes. Sgaeyl told me he went into a dragon fist-fight with Tairn and held his own."
Aifos chuckled and nudged Ronny with their elbow, "This one should learn how to keep his temper in check, from time to time."
He let out a low grumble, followed by a long sigh.
"He wouldn't be a dragon if he did."
"Perhaps, but a dragon can be wise, too, especially at his age."
"How old is he?"
"One hundred and eighteen, I believe."
"What? I thought he was no older than fifty!"
Aifos chuckled, "From what I've gathered, Alagaesyan dragons are smaller than Navarrian ones."
I shrugged, "Yeah, it makes sense, actually."
We fell quiet, and I sat upright and wiped out the bits of snow on my trousers.
"When did you learn how to sing?"
They put their head against their dragon's scales, and said, "I don't remember. But every Rider knows at least a couple of ballads. They say that us Shur'tugals are closer to Elves than to Men, and I think they're right. After all, the first who rode a dragon was an Elf, after the Du Fyrn Skulblaka..."
"After the what, now?"
"After the war between Dragons and Elves."
"Something similar happened in here, too. Six hundred years ago, the First Six grew closer to dragon-kind to protect Navarre against the dark wielders, and after the war they built up Basgiath."
They hummed, then asked, "Do you want me to sing something?"
"Sure, yeah. Your pick."
They shifted, cleared their throat and raised their chin.
"Gala O Wyrda brunhvitr
Abr Berundal vandr-fodhr
Burthro lausblädar eja undir
Eom kona dauthleikr..."
(Sing O white-browed Fate
Of ill-marked Berundal
Born under oaken leaves
To mortal woman...)
I closed my eyes and tipped my head back; and for some odd reason, I remembered my life in this place, and could hear the faint echo of mine and Liam's laughter, when we'd been playing chase, or hide and seek, or anything really, and we ran behind our parents or slipped behind curtans or squealed when we were found.
One day, we somehow found the cellar and the barrels of wine, and drank so much we slept the night off stretched out on the floor. Bodhi's dog found us the next morning, and Liam's father scolded the two of us, with mine nodding behind him and sternly sending us to our rooms.
A low whistle brought me back in the present, and I saw Heaton clapping, "Nice voice, man! But I didn't understand shit."
Aifos cracked a smile, "Thanks... I guess."
"You're the foreign one, aren't you? Your dragon most definitely is. Is it true you're bonded with two of 'em, like Sorreingail? Must be crazy in your mind, mate. I only have a Green Clubtail, but my, if she isn't a gossiping busy-body!"
"Yeah, sometimes they're loud."
"Should I worry, Heaton?" I butted in with a smirk, "I didn't think you had it in you to walk away from a party."
"I am looking for Emery. One sec she was with me, and the next she wasn't!"
"Have you thought that she's most definitely making out with someone?"
Heaton's grimace was enough, and I rolled my eyes, "As if you've never pulled this shit before!"
"Can you please just... Not?"
I leant towards Aifos and lowered my voice, "Three years ago they slipped into our squad leader's room and missed formation. They had breakfast duty all year long."
"It wasn't my fault if he was one of the best!"
"If you say so."
"Besides, you're embarassing me in front of the stranger."
"Well, it's on you. If you'd behaved, I wouldn't have anything to tell them about you."
Heaton crossed his arms, "Run away, stranger, if you still can."
Aifos cracked a smile, "I have another dragon, remember? And he's Sgaeyl's ward, so... A bit difficult."
"I'm sorry for you, mate. You can crash in my room if this one makes you punch him."
"I am not this easy to be punched."
"Wouldn't be the first time for me, though," said Aifos a bit cockily, and I crossed my arms defensively, "I slipped! And it was only once."
"Still."
"I always miss out on everything!" Groaned Heaton, and I shoved them away, "Be off!"
"And what, see Emery with her tongue in someone's throat? Absolutely not!"
A sudden growl had all of us shutting our mouths and whipping our heads to Ronny, whose eyes were narrowed on us.
Heaton started taking a couple of steps back, "Yeah... I'll be off at once."
"Smart idea." Then, I turned to Aifos, "Sorry for them. They're my squad mate, and they never shut up."
"Don't you worry, they remind me of an old friend, actually."
"So you understand my pain of these four years."
"Yeah, you can say so."
We went on talking, and then Garrick and Bodhi joined us (mostly because Garrick was completely wasted, and Bodhi had grown annoyed and shoved him away from any resemblance of a beer) until the sun fell and their dragon flew off to hunt down his dinner.
"I'm hungry," whined Garrick and Bodhi shoved him on the ground, "Stop drooling on me!"
"Come on, Rick, let's get you on your feet," I said and together, Bodhi and I pulled him up and we flung his arms across our shoulders.
Aifos laughed at our struggle to walk with Garrick not helping us one bit, and when I saw Violet in the dining hall, her smile was like the sun.