its a FUCKING NIGHTMARE! || Blake Chorii I

B

TW / BW

I'm scared to go to sleep.
I know it may sound crazy, but it's crazy when I wake up in the middle of the night. My fire alarm has a battery missing, so it beeps every once in a while. But as long as I hug onto my pillow, everything will be alright. It has to. Once it turns 9:00 P.M., I tuck myself in, turn off the lights and close the door. I breathe slowly and lay down, turning on my fan. I like when the fan is on. It helps me relax. But that's when I hear the voices, when everything is empty and I think deep into it. I want answers and I need to figure out if I'm crazy, so I try to remember what the voices say because I have a bad memory and the voices don't last very long. 
"..."
The silence is quite miserable to be around especially with the fan on. And that's when I hear the voices. One time the voices told me I'm dyslexic. Another one told me that everyone will leave. Another one said 'Braxton July July', but I think I'm going crazy. Maybe this is how it ends. Braxton having something to do with July seems really crazy. Or maybe I am. Which is crazier? I wouldn't know. I sit up straight, looking at the wall. Everything is quiet except the fan. But I get used to the fan, so it basically is quiet for me. I deal with this every night, it's not a big deal. I look down on my lap, and I feel completely disappointed. With every word I take in my head, I am a mess. My room is a mess. My LIFE is a mess, and it's obviously shitty. I just want to be normal, can't anyone see that? Just because I have bad habits and I have poor hygiene doesn't mean I'm stupid. Just because I don't understand doesn't mean I'm a dumbass. Ugh, why do people always call me the R slur? I'm not stupid for fuck's sake, and I'm not disabled. Maybe I have problems, but I understand a lot of things. I don't know what I'm diagnosed with, but I should probably get these voices and my delusional never-ending thoughts checked. Maybe I would have friends and maybe people would like me for once. It is so fucking hard, and I just.. can't handle this. 
I shake in bed, and then I hear weird noises. Very weird, like some scratches and bumps. I hear distant noises, and now I'm thinking about.. him. No, not BRAXTON, I meant him as in the person I care about a lot. Gosh, what if he sees me like this? I wish he was still in my class. Nothing is the same without him. I then unexpectedly hear a loud commotion in my head, and I get nervous. Hell, I'm even sweating. What even is this? Fuck this shit, I'm going to pass out. And guess what? I do pass out. I pass out and fall onto my bed once again.
I wake up the next morning, with an unconscious mind. Where the hell am I? What am I doing? Oh, right, I passed out. Ugh, the last day of school before the weekend. I get out of bed, I brush my hair this time. I try to maintain a good habit of doing everything but I can't. I have a short attention span. I brush my teeth for the first time in a while, and I also use mouth wash and floss. I start walking to the bus stop, since my mother never has time to drive me to school. I wish I wasn't like this, but I text my friends and I send goodbye messages to CC and Enzo. I hope one day me, CC, and Enzo meet in real life. As I get on the bus, I wonder if I will meet Vita again, if not in the bathroom. Maybe. Oh, goddammit. I sit by July, and I hate- no, Blake, you don't hate July. July isn't even that bad anyways. He might be rude to me, but I don't hate him. He's a great person I believe, well, sure he's just July I guess. "Ew, I'm sitting by Blake" He says to his friend, Izaiah, who sits across from him. "Haha, you sat next to Blake!" Izaiah laughs. July frowns. "Shut up," he says. In the seat in front of me, lies Asher. He has brown curly hair, and sometimes he even defends me. But he doesn't defend me when he's near July. I think July is the leader of the trio, but I don't know how that makes sense 'cause Asher is the most good-looking one. July, Izaiah, and Asher. The trio. I wish I had a trio, I mean I have CC and Enzo, but I meant a real life trio. Because at least I would be able to see them physically. I lean my head across the hard, cold bus window. Out of all the people, why does July have to be seated by me? I sigh, my breath fogging the window. I overhear July's conversation, but I don't really care. They have nothing to do with me.
The bus stops at my school. A lot of people including me get off the bus, and here we are. Welcome to Mizzy High School. I'm serious, that's actually the name of the school. Mizzy High School seems a bit bizarre, but you'll get used to it. As I walk, I notice a familiar orange haired, pale white skin and a freckly face girl.. could that be.. Vita? "Vita.." I whisper among myself. I walk to her slowly. "Hi Vita!" I say and I notice she had a girl with her. A girl about 5'0, blonde hair, and in a stunning outfit. "Hi.. Blake. I think that's your name." Vita smiles and waves. "This is my friend, Lynette!" She continues. "You're really pretty." I mumble, hoping Lynette didn't notice it. "Awh, thank you!" Lynette smiles slightly. She seems like the shy kind, but I could be wrong. I blush in embarrassment once again, I didn't expect Lynette to hear me. "Lynette, this is my friend Blake!" Vita introduces Lynette to me. My eyes sparkle when Vita labels me as her friend. I could never be so happy! "Nice to meet you, Blake" Lynette says and looks at me in a shy way. I knew it, she was shy!  "Nice to meet you too!" I say. And for once in my life, where I am right now felt like home. Except the bell rang, and we all had to go inside. Me, Vita, and Lynette all went inside. I dropped off Vita and Lynette in their class, and it turns out their homeroom teacher is Mrs. Xenis. Seems like an interesting last name, but I don't question it much as I start walking to my class, Mr. Eres. I sit down in my seat and wait for class to begin. I just want to get this day over with so that everything will be alright. The room was like an ornament, it was covered with history yet with patterns of colors. Cyan, light pink, and dark yellow scattered across the walls like a loop. "Hey Blake~!" I hear a familiar voice and there I see Constance. "What do you want, huh?" I ask. "I heard you got a C- on your essay!" She teases me. I knew that was a lie since I don't even know my score yet. "I did not?" I say, and I place my cheek on my hand, bored. Constance chuckles and goes away. Thank God, she's gone. I can't wait for the next period. 
FUCK YOU! I got a C- on my assignment! Constance was right, GAHH! I hate my life, I thought I'd get a C- in Math, not HISTORY! I need a break. I get out one of my kit-kat bars out my backpack, and I check if anyone is looking. No one in the whole wide world, so I unwrap it and put it in my mouth. I'm pretty good and swift at eating these bars, I just stop moving my jaw when the teacher is examining the room. 
As I start to walk out, I trip. I try to catch myself with my feet, but it backfires. "!!" My eyes widen as I realize my head is going toward the sharpness of the pencils on the teachers desk. 
I start screaming, the sharpened pencils go through my cheek, narrowing up to my rear. It hurts a lot and I start crying. The pencils fall down with me, and my cheek and rear side of my face. It hurts extremely bad, and I think I have to go to the nurses office. "Holy cow, you sure need to go to the Nurses office." Mr. Eres says. I slowly get up and I keep crying, but not loudly. I just exhale and inhale and exhale all over again. "Mhm." I say and I run to the nurses office as fast as I can. The blood leaks down, and all I can feel is pain. I cover my cheek, but it just aches more. When I arrive, the nurse looks at me, horrified. "What happened to you?" She said, as she got bandages. I take a moment to respond. "..I tripped and landed in upward pencils." I say quietly. The nurse applies some bandages and she gave me an ice pack to cover the bandaged wound. "Here, you go, you may rest on the bed." She said and laid me down. Gosh, I must look so pathetic just being like this. I close my eyes, and rest as the ice pack is freshly cold on my cheek. It's relaxing, and before I know it, I'm asleep.