Her Wolf Is Out To Stay

CHAPTER EIGHT

The male before her was quiet as he registered what she said. As the silence stretched on she became more and more angry, at who she did not know.

"The Moon Goddess must hate me" she muttered to herself and then louder spoke to her 'mate'. "Now listen good mister, I can't have a mate. Its impossible, even if you were, you wouldn't want me. Not after all the stuff I've done." She sighed and rubbed her forehead to try to get the headache and anger  out. Being so close to his scent was slowly driving her insane. "I'm messing all this up."

He looked at her with very confused blue eyes. They were so light they looked like they belonged to the sky. Shaking her head she spoke against the lump at the back of her throat. "I can't have a mate right now. You would be a distraction and I haven't waited 11 damn years to have someone screw this up."

She looked at a point over his shoulder the whole time she spoke so she didn't have to see the hurt that was creeping into his eyes. Turning on her heel she raced back inside, slamming the door shut on her way in, and raced to the only place she knew she would be alone.

Her cell door was unlocked when she reached it. Grabbing the silver bars she yanked it open and almost ripped it off its hinges. She tried sitting on the cot and counting the cracks that reminded her of her soul but that didn't work. So she paced and paced and paced.

The Moon Goddess must hate her, she thought to herself. To have her survive the most horrifying things imaginable and come out almost dead with one goal. All she wanted to do was kill the man who brought so much pain to her life. When her goal is accomplished she planned to kill herself, finally be dead like she was meant to be all those years ago. But then the Goddess had to throw her a mate.

She recalled a time when she had asked her mother what a mate was. She must have been 6, it was just before the attack, and she wanted to know why werewolves went all over the world in search of one.

Her mother had smiled down at her and spoke in a feather soft voice "A mate is your soul mate, your other half." She had pause and laughed at her expression "Its a deep connection when you meet and it feels like you've known each other forever. You would do anything for them and they would do anything for you."

She remembered grabbing onto her mother's hands and saying "How will I know when I meet my mate?"

"When you look into there eyes it's like the whole world fades away until it's just them and when you touch it feels like sparks are flying everywhere. The Moon Goddess gave us mates so that we know what it was like with her and the first werewolf, how much they loved each other."

Her mother's smile made tears well up in her eyes and she blinked them back. She has not cried in 7 years and she did not plan to ever again. She went back to pacing but it wasn't working so she started to do push ups

Alpha Drew found her on her 140th push up in her cell. He stopped at the almost off its hinges door and raised an eyebrow at her.

She shrugged unapologetic and sat down with her back to the wall and looked at him. If she had to guess she'd say he was in his mid thirties. "How old at you?"

He looked taken aback but said "39"

She nodded. It made sense, Matthew looked about her age maybe a year younger "And Matthew?"

"Both he and Ash are 17."

She nodded again and closed her eyes, when had she truly slept a full night without nightmares? She could feel the tiredness like an anchor on her body forcing her to bear its weight.

She heard Drew sit next to her with a couple of inches of space and sigh. It seemed they were both doing that a lot lately. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked her.