BOO

Sorry

– Henrik –

The sunshine crept into my room from between the curtain gaps, creating rows of brightness on my walls and ceiling. I closed my eyes, feeling pathetic for not being able to sleep ever since Alexander left my house. My mind kept me awake all night, making me relive yesterday's events in a loop. In particular, Alexander on my bed, under me. I grunted. I shouldn't be thinking about it, but my mind doesn't really want to obey me.

My phone buzzed and I felt my heart drop when I saw Alexis' name on the screen. I picked up the call.

- Hey... - She started. I didn't really feel like talking, though. - So you're up.

- What do you want, Alexis?

- Can we talk about what happened yesterday? - Alexis pleaded, sounding desperate. - Please?

In all honesty, she was the very last person I wanted to see. I'd rather spend the entire day listening to my dad nag about my future in his dusty old office than see her face for even a second. But we had to talk. I owed it to the time we spent together, even if she didn't feel the need to be just as courteous with me yesterday.

- Where are you? - I asked, getting up from my bed to pick a shirt in my closet.

- At your front door.

I rushed to the window and saw Alex facing the door with her phone in her ear.

- I'll be there in a minute. - And hang up.

I walked down the stairs dreading the encounter with Alex bound to happen in a few seconds. My stomach felt as if it fell, the anxiety rising up each step I took down. I hate confrontations of any kind and, if I could, I would probably choose to be left alone to solve whatever I have to solve on my own.

When I opened the door, Alexis' appearance was the first thing I noticed. Her ginger hair was messy and she was covering her eyes with, what I assume, were probably the darkest shades she could find. Plus she was wearing hoodies. I never saw Alex in hoodies. It looked like she just woke up.

- Come in. - I said as I walked to the side to allow her entry.

Alexis followed me to the study and sat down on the sofa in the middle of the room. Even though there was plenty of space next to her, I chose to sit on an armchair far away.

- So? What do you wanna talk about? - I started the conversation.

I watched as Alexis filled her lungs with air, probably as an attempt to calm herself down, while she picked on her nails.

- I'm sorry. - She said, finally, without looking me in the eyes.

- You're sorry? - I scoffed. I can't believe it. - Why did you do that, Alexis?

- We haven't been together for long, so if you were interested in someone else why did you ask me out?

I couldn't see Alexis' face, as she kept her head down the whole time.

- I'm sorry, Henrik. - She mumbled. - I didn't mean to.

- Didn't mean what, Alexis? - I said, exasperated. - You're saying you didn't mean to be caught sucking faces with someone else?

- That's not it. - She said. - I mean, yes. It is that. I'm sorry I cheated on you.

Alexis wasn't acting much like herself. Starting from her presence here first thing in the morning, then her unusual appearance and now she's not even trying to defend herself.

- Why? - I asked again.

- What? - She finally looked up.

- Why did you ask me out?

- Because I like you. - She said, after some time. I sighed.

- Please, - I said. - Be honest with me, Alexis.

- You never kissed me like that. - I frowned, remembering every time we kissed and had any kind of intimate moment.

I always thought she was shy and wasn't used to it. And I believed her when she said that yesterday she would show me just how much she loved me. In a way, she did just that.

- You never looked at me the way you look at that girl. - I said. - I really thought she was just a friend you cherish. But that's not all, right?

Alexis kept quiet for a few seconds, her head now down again while she kept picking on her fingers.

- You'd never understand, Henrik. - I could hear her emotions as she spoke, seemingly trying to hold back tears.

- I can try.

She looked up at me again, her eyebrows furrowed as if she was debating with herself what steps she should take. After a while, she took a deep breath and took off her sunglasses to finally face me properly. Her eyes were red and puffed up, showing that she spent the night crying.

- I tried to like you. I really did. - She started. - We've known each other since we were kids and you never once were anything but sweet to me.

She inhaled, as if she was gathering courage, and continued:

- But I just can't. - Alexis said as she exhaled. - No matter how amazing you are or how much my parents told me we had to be together, in the end I just... couldn't. - She looked at the ground, and continued: - You see, I always knew I liked girls. And I'm sure my parents had their doubts too. But that didn't matter to them, I had to be with you no matter what.

Then, Alexis looked straight into my eyes.

- And I tried, just like they wanted. Even though I like someone else, I was afraid of what they could do if they ever discovered these feelings. - A tear fell from her eye as she said that last part. - So, I'm really sorry I used you, Henrik. And I'm really sorry for doing what I did last night even though we were together.

I never knew she was going through so much. Alexis always seemed to be a well resolved girl, although reserved around me. She always striked me as a confident one, sometimes even arrogant. So the fact that she likes girls really got me. I expected her to tell me it was a one-time thing, that she was too drunk to care if she was kissing a girl or a guy. Although I did suggest she may like Bianca, I didn't expect it to be the truth.

That explains why there was always this awkwardness when we were around her parents. If what she's saying about them is true, then it also makes sense why she always seemed at least a little bit uncomfortable around me.

Although I do understand why she did what she did, discovering that I was being used like this makes me feel sick. All my life I had my share of people trying to take advantage of me in hopes of catching my parents' attention, but I never once expected Alexis to be one of them.

- I need some time to think. - I said, after being quiet for a few seconds. Alexis nodded slowly and got up.

I took her to the front door, but before exiting the house, Alex turned to me.

- I know I don't have any right to ask, but could you please keep what I told you a secret from my parents?

She seemed desperate and maybe even afraid, and I felt sad. She never showed me any kind of vulnerability until now. No matter how much I tried to convince myself of the opposite, Alexis never once saw me or treated me like a friend. Today was the first day she ever opened up, even if it was just the tip of the iceberg.

- Don't worry, I won't say anything. - I reassured her.

Alexis mumbled a "thank you" and tried to small before walking off back to her house. I watched as she turned the corner, while I processed the loss of someone I was only just beginning to truly know.