"I was never that much into guys, let alone posers or vamps.
But he was the real thing and a force to be reckoned with.
And I surrendered without a fight."
Smut, language, sexual themes, mature themes, mild violence, mentions of blood, mentions of...
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"Minho..." I hear him call out to me softly. The edge in his voice is gone. I just walk faster, eager to leave the villa. He catches up to me at the front door. His hand rests gentle on my arm.
"I am sorry." He whispers. "Why?" "I think I may have misunderstood your feelings." He adds in a gentle tone, as if he's really sorry. "I don't have feelings." I retort stubbornly. "Kitten..." I shake my head. "Forget it. You are right. It is just sex." I pull away from his touch and walk to my car, get in and literally floor the gas pedal to flee. To be away from him as fast as I can.
He made no attempt to stop me. Why would he?
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I drive away in a state of total turmoil. I can see him in my rear view mirror. Does he have a dejected expression on his face, or is it just wishful thinking on my part? Is he truly sad to see me leave him behind? Or, is he relieved that we got it over with so easily?
I can't concentrate on my driving, I feel myself spinning out of control, pounding on the gas pedal, accelerating to an unsafe level. The trees along the quiet country road become a blur.
Or are there tears in my eyes?
Why am I so emotional?
I pull over to the side of the road and get out of the car, in a rural area just outside the big city. I go around kicking rocks to vent my frustration and feeling the urge to just shout at the world.
Why? Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel so hurt?
All this time my heart is pounding wildly in my chest. As I begin to calm down, I understand. I know now. I do have feelings. And he doesn't. Yet, I can't believe I was rejected so easily, my feelings discarded. I wipe away the hot tears that are starting to roll down my cheeks.
"Fuck this!" I exclaim angrily to no one in particular. But my heart aches. I can feel the suffocating feeling of breaking up with the one that I fell in love with.
How I could I be so stupid? Fall for someone who can't love me back...
I bow my head, get in my car, and drive back to town.
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I decide to spend the rest of Friday locked in my apartment alone, ignoring my mother's calls and Naree's texts. I just text Jisung saying I need some alone time, to avoid him coming here out of worry.
But when I walk into my bedroom I get restless again.
I take the black satin sheets off the mattress, gather the candles, the esssential oils, anything and everything that reminds of him and throw them all in the trash. But my bedroom still reminds me of Hyunjin. I won't find peace in there. I end up on the couch again.
