Icy Inferno (Troyler AU)

⋙ Chapter Thirty-Four

Is it desire?
Or is it love that I'm feeling for you?
I want desire
'Cause your love only gets me abused

Desire ~ Years & Years

Caspar

Troye was coming to senses, slowly but surely. In the hours since he'd been detained from the hospital it became obvious he was slightly recovered. He could hold a conversation, walk along with increasing ease, and actually see what was was going on around him-

Until the mention of Tyler that is. The name sent him to the ground. shuddering and foaming at the mouth.

It'd been terrifying to see him in that state. I didn't know how to help. Not properly. But I couldn't stand by and watch him jerk uncontrollably, victim to the scrutiny of passers-by. I could only think to carry him away from the crowds. They kept peering over at his face, pushing against me to get a closer look. But he was light and I was strong, and eventually I managed to get away.

I was petrified he'd die in my arms. But when his body started to relax I knew I was okay. Thank god he hadn't died. I didn't think I would've been the same person if he had. I didn't know how I would've been able to move on from that point. Maybe I never would have done. Ergo when his fit ended I was relieved to say the least. I didn't have to worry about his death any longer, and I tried to let my fears go.

It could still happen a voice said deep within me. But that was a dark thought for another time.

I carried him a long way, to a slightly secluded area on the hillside. Most people were too busy these days to enjoy the scenery, so no one went there. The only reason I'd found about it was when Joe and I went on a pointless wonder and discovered the little haven, claiming it as our own that instant. Troye would be safe from harm there. And he'd be able to find his way back to civilisation when he decided to return.

I knew that lying on the ground couldn't be doing him any good, so I rushed to the tents to get him a chair. When I got to the stock room, I heard people speaking about an urgent discussion that had been called up a few minuted before. They didn't know what it was about, only that it was probably to do with the new arrival. And that meant Troye.

I was somewhat put out by that. But I was unsure what to do with that information. I wanted to go and investigate, so that I understood what was going on. But caring for my friend meant more to me. So I got the chair and went back to him.

After I returned I found that he was more subdued than before. He was staring up at the moon, transfixed on the brightness. It was an aesthetically clear sky that night, but I couldn't focus on it for long. I started to fidget, which set me more on edge.

Eventually the silence got too much for me, and I told him I was going to walk about for a while, if he was okay with that. He gave me a distracted nod, not seeming to care whether I stayed or not. I didn't take it to heart. Anyone would be in that state if they'd gone through the same ordeals.

So I decided I'd leave him to it, standing up and brushing myself down before setting off. I didn't get very far before he whispered out "Did I love him?"

I paused. Had he spoken? Or was I hearing things? No - one look at his pensive face told me he'd asked it, and he wanted an answer. I stopped to think about it, wondering if my gut feeling was true. I'd never know if it was, but it felt true. And then I didn't know whether he'd want to know. If he couldn't remember Tyler, knowing the answer might hurt him even more.

But I told him. Because he was my friend.

"Well, you never looked at another person when he was around. You're eyes were glued to him, and it was the same with him. He made you truly happy. You would glow whenever you talked about him. You wanted to be with him, even though it meant putting yourself in danger. Yeah... you loved him."