NAVIGATING 5 - tadgh lynch

15 - Tadhg

20th May, 2005

Darren and Joey are having another fight, Darren sent me to my room while he 'handles it' and told me to get Ollie ready for school  in the morning. I feel like Joey. Keeping my little brothers company while my big brother tames the beast. Dad's still missing, though I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I lay in bed, staring at the top bunk while my phones on speaker, Lilibeth's voice ringing through the room as she helps Ollie with his homework. I hear the front door slam, and while I would usually brush it off as dad, I can't help but wonder which one of his oldest sons it is. 

"Be back in a bit Olls," I say as I hop off the bed, stepping out of the room and closing the door behind me. I was downstairs with a quick trip down the narrow staircase, to see Darren grabbing his coat. 
"Leaving again?" I ask, partially curious and partially trying to get a rise out of him. 
"I'm going to find Joey. You're in charge." Darren huffed before swinging open the door, giving me a glimpse of Shannon on the driveway, begging for Joey to stay. That's how bad it had gotten. He wouldn't leave our mother in charge, or our sixteen year old sister, but me. A twelve year old boy. But then Shannon came back inside.

"Get upstairs, T. Now." She told me, but she was more begging then telling. I was going to ask why, but for the second time in 2 minutes I got a glimpse out the door, seeing my father standing there. In the driveway. I ran back up the stairs, closing the door behind me when I reached my room, grabbing my phone off the floor. 
"Lils, I have to go."
"Is something wrong?"
"He's back."
"Who's back? Tadh-"
I hung up, looking down at Ollie, who was still sitting on the floor, confirming his thoughts with a nod. 

"Clean up your shit, Olls." I instruct him, looking around at his homework books laying around, my eyes landing on things like pencils, markers, nappies, boxers... Wait, Nappies? Sean. He's with mam downstairs. 

fuck. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck FUCK. 

I huff, rubbing my face up and down, then huffing out a breath and swinging open the door, then closing it again, walking downstairs and not backing out until I reached the kitchen, afraid I'd back out if I hesitated. The house reeks of whiskey. I know that smell all too well.

"There's my son," Dad claps me on the back when I walk into the kitchen, and I flinch, he hovers close to my ear, "Don't worry Tadhg, I won't hurt ya.". The word 'anymore' hung heavy and unspoken in the air as he let his hand fall back to his side, his fingers grazing the belt scars on my back on their way down. I clear my throat, walking way from him and toward mam, taking Sean off her. 
"He needs a nappy change." I explain in a mumble, holding Sean to my hip, as I leave the room and walk upstairs. 

Why is he soaked? Why does he reek of whiskey? Why is he back? Why did Joey leave again? 

Questions flood my mind while I walk upstairs, then into our room. I locked the door and pushed the dresser against the door.  I hope that'll keep him out. 

oh. lol. Love ya. x