NAVIGATING 5 - tadgh lynch

14 - Lilibeth

2nd May, 2005.

Everything has been different since Easter. Gibs has been going over to the Kavanagh's a lot more, which is saying a lot because he's there or at the Biggs' more than he's here anyway. I think everything that's been going on has shifted something in me. It's been a few weeks since its happened, but I have a terrible feeling at the pit of my stomach. Like this is the start of something horrible. Believe it or not, Patrick's probably taken my mind off everything the most. Not in one of those 'I'm in love with my older cousins friend' way, but in a 'You've been the friend I never knew I needed lately' way. I know 'Traveling Solider' by the Chicks off by heart on the guitar now thanks to him. 

***

"Come in." I announced when I heard a knock on the door. I turned away from my math's homework when it opened to reveal Gibs. 
"Hey Cena." He walked in and casually lay down on my bed, and I turned back around to continue my work. This was a regular occurrence when he couldn't be in his room for too long. 
"Mam said your match is off. No players." He explains, staring at my ceiling. We sat there in comfortable silence for awhile, and I finished all my homework for the week, since today was Monday and we get all our homework due for Friday today, I always do it all today. When I looked back over to my bed, I saw saw my cousin fast asleep on my bed. I glanced at my clock, it read 10:00pm. I pulled the covers over him and left the room, leaving him sleep in my single bed while I made my way down to sleep on the couch. I wasn't going to wake him up, not when it's so hard for him to sleep, and I wasn't going to sleep in his room. Never in the same room as that letter.

***

15th August, 2000

Auntie Sadhbh wants to speak to me. We're sitting on my bed and she looks like she's been crying. I'm supposed to be going to see mam before I go back to school, but she says we cant anymore. 
"Why not?" I ask. I always go to mammy's house when Sadhbh and Gerard are in England with their family for a week. 
"Baby, your mammy's gone to see your dad. She's not coming home." She told me, holding me close. She's with daddy. Why would she go see him without me? Why did she go to the sky? I feel like everyone has been going to the sky. Gerard said his daddy and his sister are in the sky too. I want to go to the sky as well. Maybe everything will be better when I see daddy again.
"How did she go up? Did she get hurt like daddy?" Sadhbh sniffles at this. 
"No honey. She took too much of the wrong medicine." Oh. Granny used to say stuff like that, but then she went to the sky because she got too old. I miss her. I miss her, and daddy, and I miss my baby brother even though I never saw him. I think I'll miss mammy the most though. I don't remember when I started crying, and I don't remember stopping either.

My poor babyyy. I'm trying to do more flashbacks in filler chapters so you can get a better idea of their past so yah. Love ya xx