every felt lonely in a relationship?
ever longed for desire?
ever felt like you don't belong?
ever felt trapped?
ever felt like you made a mistake ?
ever stayed for the sake of your children ?
ever felt wrong for feeling these things....?
if you d...
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"mom can i have some cereal?"
" of course Luca , take a seat" he nods and i kiss his forehead, my little man so polite i am blessed. He is such a amazing boy, he's creative, smart and has such a beautiful smile. i make him some cereal and bring it to him.
i woke up at seven o clock this morning to get Luca ready for pre school , we decided that its never too early for education and honestly i have to say it works. it's his second year in pre-school and he loves it , i think our little learning sessions of ABC's and 123's paid off as he doesn't feel overwhelmed in school, he may be only 5 years old but he's a smart cookie.
plus this pre-school is a big help as i just finished college for Psychology and Counselling , so now i'm looking for a job in that area , and since Diego works full time there's no way i could even start a job without a babysitter , so this really helps.
" morning"
Diego kisses Luca on the forehead and asks him if he is ready to go to school.
" morning" i mumble back to him as i take a seat.
As usual we don't speak to eahcother , he just makes some coffee and goes on his phone to play his game while he waits for Luca to finish his cereal. i sigh and turn on the television to have something at least , i turn on YouTube and put on Charlotte Dobre - bridezillas. i love watching these episode from her, it's so eye opening yet still quite entertaining.
" mommy i'm finished"
" okay , put on your coat and don't forget your backpack" he does so and he's ready to go.
" okay hun, have a good day" i kiss his forehead and Diego takes his hand to take him to school.
when they're gone i make another coffee as i'm a coffee addict , and sit down to have a cigarette. I've been smoking since i was 16 years old, of course i tried to stop but honestly part of me does want to and the other doesn't, they kind of help me with my nerves i guess. i got a lot of lectures about it by my Father, plenty, and honestly the more people tell me to stop the more i smoke, which i know is bad but so be it.
After having a full coffee and two cigarettes' , i clean up the kitchen and change my clothes and that's when Diego comes home. He sits down in the kitchen and turns on his PlayStation to play. he doesn't really acknowledge me unless it's about some responsibilities like 'we need to get electricity' or something about his work like ' oh by the way i have to go to work early so i won't be able to collect Luca from school can your dad collect him today?' , so yeah that's it. So i just sit down and watch my YouTube because why not, and this go's on for the whole day....as in clean up, cook, collect Luca , bedtime at 7 and then back to sitting down in silence.
so now it's 8 o clock and i'm starting to get the ick , as in i'm feeling lonely and i'd like to maybe talk or do something to be honest. i'm getting irritated with the fact that he doesn't care about spending time with me, and i know i'm might be coming off as an desperate wife who doesn't have hobbies but trust me that's not it, actually all i have is hobbies. i write, make music, do makeup, bake and go for long walks. so no its not about that at all, it's just that this is literally my life with him, all he does is say he needs 'relax time' after working and then when it's his day off , he needs 'relax time' too , there's no us in anytime of his day.
so as i'm feeling a little irritated i decided to maybe have a talk with him , to maybe try to get through to him and make him understand that , I'd like to spend some quality time with him and that i'm done with this kind of life , but boy did i put myself in a situation where i'm crying yet again.....
