every felt lonely in a relationship?
ever longed for desire?
ever felt like you don't belong?
ever felt trapped?
ever felt like you made a mistake ?
ever stayed for the sake of your children ?
ever felt wrong for feeling these things....?
if you d...
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i woke up this morning feeling refreshed , ready to take on the world , why? well i'm on a mission to leave my husband , why a mission ? well i already said what would happen if i just left my husband or say something negative about him so i'm creating a plan.
as most women when they're sad and in a bad mood , i searched 'sad relationship quotes' , 'advice', 'when is it time to leave' and more crap like that , although most of them were the same there was one saying that stuck out to me. ' when a woman finally leaves, she didn't leave you that second because of an argument , she left you months ago. she checked out mentally and physically" and that honestly stayed with me.
i'm thinking that it's time for me to just not give a crap about him the way i do, and honestly i'm already starting to because the 'conversation' we had yesterday wasn't the first time, we had the same exact conversation multiple times and it always ends up with him shocking me to the point of me crying myself to sleep, and leaving him alone for 2 moths or so, not wanting to be screamed at again. But this time i want to pretend i'm not even with him, try to find my own rhythm essentially seeing how i'm going to be when it's just me and Luca, of course not to the point of cheating , i don't really care for that right now all i want is to be separated from him.
if i'm being honest it wont be hard to find my own way, but because he was the only one that has been working as he wanted it by the way i don't have much income really and that makes this a lot harder. i think i just have to start looking for a job , and hopefully get one quickly. i'm pulled out of my thoughts when Luca pokes me in my arm.
" yes hun?"
"mommy i'm going to school, i love you"
" have a good day baby, i love you too"
i bring the coffee cup to my lips and drink , then light up a cigarette , taking a long pull. i pull out my laptop and start searching for a job, scrolling through all of them as most of them need experience or a degree, then i find one that right up my alley at the moment and apply. this is perfect, they need an assistant counselor , no need for experience as the professional will provide teaching before hand , as long as i have a degree which thankfully i have now, and the hours are perfect from 10 to 3 which i have minding for as Luca is at school. Apart from this job i saw some cleaning jobs advertised and i applied as well as the hours are short but still good to make alright money. i know having two jobs might be a lot but for a start up i think i need to. Just as i click away from the website Diego opens the main door and comes in. He takes of his coat to put his robe on and sits down on his throne by which i mean his gaming chair and looks at me weirdly.
" what's wrong with you? why are you so fucking moody"
" umm i'm fine , it's nothing"
" sure nothing. whatever"
now normally i would ask him if he wants to do something like go outside or anything but this time i say nothing, instead i get my ass up , wash my cup and go up the stairs to the bedroom to get ready. i pick out simple jeans , tank top and a white sweater, simple yet nice. i put on some simple make up , and go downstairs to put on my shoes. i'm sick of waiting for him to want to do something so if he doesn't want to i'm going by myself. i'm going to go for a coffee outside. As i put on my coat and pick up my bag he decides to open his mouth
